Saturday, October 10, 2020

അണ്ടർവെയർ വാങ്ങൽ

നാട്ടിൽ അവധിക്കു പോയപ്പോൾ എറണാകുളത്തു നിന്നും കാർ തോപ്പുംപടി എത്തിയപ്പോൾ ഞാൻ ആ റെഡിമെയ്‌ഡ്‌ കട കണ്ടു. നമ്മുക്ക് എല്ലാവർക്കും എന്തെങ്കിലുംഒരു അന്ധവിശ്വാസം ഉണ്ടല്ലോ. എന്റേത് ഭാഗ്യമുള്ള 'SOLO' ബ്രാൻഡ് അണ്ടർവെയർ ആണ്. ഭാഗ്യമുള്ള അണ്ടർവെയർ ഇട്ടാൽ ഓഫീസിലെ റിവ്യൂ പോലെയുള്ള കഷ്ടകാലം വരാൻ സാധ്യതയുള്ള സമയങ്ങൾ ഞാൻ പുല്ലു-പുല്ല് പോലെ  നേരിടും എന്ന് ഒരു അന്ധവിശ്വാസം. ബാംഗളൂരിൽ ഈ ബ്രാൻഡ് ഇത് വരേ കിട്ടിയിട്ടില്ല. വണ്ടി സൈഡിൽ ഒതുക്കി ഭാര്യയോട് ഇപ്പം വരാം എന്ന് പറഞ്ഞു ഞാൻ കടയിലേക്ക് പോയി. 

രണ്ടു നിലയുള്ള കട. ഭയങ്കര തിരക്ക്.  താഴത്തെ നിലയിൽ സാരീ, ബ്ലൗസ് ഒക്കെ.  കൗണ്ടറിൽ മുഴുവൻ സെയിൽസ് ഗേൾസ്. പഴയ ഓർമയും അവരോടു  ചോദിക്കാൻ ഉള്ള മടി കൊണ്ടും, ഒന്നും ചോദിക്കാതെ ഞാൻ മുകളിലത്തെ നിലയിലേക്ക് നടന്നു കയറി. ചെന്ന് കയറിയത് ലേഡീസ് & കുട്ടിസ് സെക്ഷൻ ആണെന്ന് തോന്നുന്നു.  മുഴുവൻ പെണ്ണുങ്ങൾ. റെഡിമെയ്‌ഡ്‌സ് തിരയുന്ന അവർക്കിടയിൽ ഒരു അമ്മച്ചി അവരുടെ കൊച്ചു മോൻ എന്ന് തോന്നുന്ന ഒരു തല തെറിച്ച ചെറുക്കനെയും കൊണ്ട് കൗണ്ടറിൽ നിന്നും മാറി ചൂടിധാർ ഇട്ടു നിൽക്കുന്ന ഒരു ബൊമ്മയുടെ അടുത്ത് നില്കുന്നു.  
ചെറുക്കൻ ബൊമ്മ നശിപ്പിക്കാതിരിക്കാൻ അമ്മച്ചി സ്വന്തം കൈ കൊണ്ട് ബൊമ്മയുടെ ഒരു കൈ പിടിച്ചിരിക്കുന്നു.  മറ്റേ കൈ കൊണ്ട് ചെറുക്കനെ പിടിച്ചിട്ടുണ്ടെങ്കിലും അമ്മച്ചിയുടെ ശ്രദ്ധ മുഴുവൻ കൂടെ വന്നവർ നോക്കുന്ന തുണികളിൽ ആണെന്ന് മനസ്സിലാക്കിയ ചെറുക്കൻ, അമ്മച്ചിയുടെ ശ്രദ്ധയിൽ പെടാതെ പതുക്കെ-പതുക്കെ ബൊമ്മയുടെ കാലു ഊരി കൊണ്ടിരിക്കുകയാണ്. 

പെണ്ണുങ്ങൾ മാത്രം ഉള്ളത് കൊണ്ടായിരിക്കും ഞാൻ കേറി ചെന്നപ്പോൾ എല്ലാവരും ചെയ്യുന്ന ജോലി നിർത്തി എന്നെ ഒന്ന് സൂക്ഷിച്ചു നോക്കി. കൗണ്ടറിൽ എങ്ങും ആണുങ്ങളെ കാണാത്തത് കൊണ്ട് ഞാൻ അവരുടെ കൂട്ടത്തിൽ ഒഴിഞ്ഞ ഒരു കൗണ്ടറിൽ നിൽക്കുന്ന പെൺകുട്ടിയോട് ശബ്ദം താഴ്ത്തി ചോദിച്ചു, "inner wear എവിടെ ആണ് ?" അവള് പറഞ്ഞു, "താഴെ".  

വീണ്ടും താഴേക്കു പോകാൻ ഏണിപ്പടി ഇറങ്ങുമ്പോൾ പിന്നിൽ ഒരു ചെറിയ കോലാഹലം. ആ കുരുത്തംകെട്ട ചെറുക്കൻ ബൊമ്മയുടെ കാല് ഊരി.  ബൊമ്മയുടെ ഒരു കൈയിൽ പിടിച്ചിരുന്ന അമ്മച്ചിയെ ഞെട്ടിച്ചു കൊണ്ട് ആ കൈ ഊരി അവരുടെ കൈയിൽ പോന്നു. അറിയാതെ അമ്മച്ചിയുടെ വായിൽ നിന്നും ഒരു "അയ്യോ" പറഞ്ഞു തീരും മുൻപ് ബൊമ്മ  മൂക്കും കുത്തി ഡിം!   കൈയിൽ ഊരി പോന്ന ബൊമ്മയുടെ കൈ ഏതോ പല്ലിയുടെ മുറിഞ്ഞ വാല്  കൈയിൽ അകപ്പെട്ട ഒരാളുടെ അറപോടെ അമ്മച്ചി ദൂരെ എറിഞ്ഞു.

 കോണിപടി ഇറങ്ങി താഴത്തെ നിലയിൽ എത്തിയ എന്റെ മുന്നിൽ വെള്ള മുണ്ട് ഉടുത്ത, കടയുടെ ഉടമസ്ഥൻ എന്ന് തോന്നിക്കുന്ന ഒരു കാരണവർ പ്രത്യക്ഷപെട്ടു.  മുകളിലത്തെ നിലയിലേ ബഹളത്തിന് ഇടയിൽ ഏണിപ്പടി ഇറങ്ങി വരുന്ന എന്നെ കണ്ടപ്പോൾ അങ്ങേർക് തോന്നി കാണും ഞാൻ ആണ് ബഹളത്തിന് കാരണക്കാരൻ. 

"ഉം ?" ഒന്നു അമർത്തി മൂളി എന്റെ മുന്നിൽ നിന്നും മാറാതെ നിന്നു.  ഒരു ആണിനെ കണ്ട ആശ്വാസത്തിൽ ഞാൻ അങ്ങേരോട് ശബ്ദം താഴ്ത്തി ചോദിച്ചു,, "inner wear എവിടെ ആണ് ?"

"ഷഡ്ഢി ആണോ അതോ ബനിയനോ?"

ഉച്ചത്തിൽ ഉള്ള ആ ചോദ്യം ആ കൊച്ചു കടയിൽ മുഴങ്ങി. കടയിൽ ഉള്ള മുഴുവൻ പെണ്ണുങ്ങളും അവരവർ ചെയ്തിരുന്ന കാര്യങ്ങൾ നിർത്തി എന്നെ സൂക്ഷിച്ചു നോക്കി. അയാളുടെ മുന്നിൽ നിന്നും എങ്ങനെ എങ്കിലും രക്ഷപെടാൻ വേണ്ടി ഞാൻ ഒച്ച താഴ്ത്തി പറഞ്ഞു, "രണ്ടും. Solo ബ്രാൻഡ്" !"

"പ്രഭു,  ഈ സാറിനു Soloവിന്റെ ഷഡ്ഢിയും ബനിയനും കാണിച്ചു കൊടുക്കു"
സമാധാനം ആയി.  കൊച്ചി മുഴുവൻ അറിഞ്ഞല്ലോ ഞാൻ SOLOവിന്റെ അണ്ടർവെയർ വാങ്ങാൻ ഇവിടെ വന്ന കാര്യം. ഇങ്ങേർക്ക് പതുക്കെ സംസാരിക്കാൻ അറിയില്ലേ ?

മുന്നിൽ പ്രഭു എത്തി.  മറ്റൊരു കാരണവർ.  എന്നെ അടിമുടി നോക്കിയിട്ട് വീണ്ടും ഉച്ചത്തിൽ ചോദിച്ചു "സൈസ് തൊണ്ണൂരോ അതോ തൊണ്ണൂറ്റഞ്ചോ ?"

ഉടനെ വന്നു ആദ്യത്തെ കാരണവരുടെ ഉത്തരം, കണ്ടാൽ അറിഞ്ഞൂടെ 90 ആണെന്ന് ?  ഇപ്രാവശ്യം കടയിലെ പെണ്ണുങ്ങൾ എന്നെ നോക്കിയപ്പോൾ അവർ എന്നെ കണ്ണ് കൊണ്ട് അളന്നു നോക്കുന്നോ എന്ന് എനിക്കൊരു ശങ്ക. 
പ്രഭുവിന്റെ അടുത്ത ചോദ്യം, ഇതിൽ ഏതു കളർ ഷഡ്ഢി വേണം

കൗതുകതോടെ പെണ്ണുങ്ങൾ വീണ്ടും എന്നെ നോക്കി.  അയാൾ ഇനിയും ഒച്ച വെക്കുന്നതിന് മുൻപേ എടുത്ത വെച്ച അഞ്ചു കളരും ഞാൻ എടുത്തു. എന്നിട്ട് ബില്ല് അടിക്കാൻ പറഞ്ഞു.  ബില്ലിംഗ് കൗണ്ടറിൽ കാശ് കൊടുക്കാൻ നിൽകുമ്പോൾ ലൈനിൽ നിൽക്കുന്ന പെണ്ണുങ്ങൾ എന്നെ ഭയങ്കര പരിചയ ഭാവത്തിൽ ചിരിക്കുന്നു.  

എന്താണെന്നു അറിയില്ല കാശ് കൊടുത്തു ഇറങ്ങുമ്പോൾ,  HIT കിടനാശിനീ തളിച്ചിട്ടും കഷ്ടിച്ച്  രക്ഷപെട്ട പല്ലിയുടെ പോലെ ആശ്വാസം !

Wednesday, October 7, 2020

Soaking it in

My daughter Nikki & my nieces who live in Mumbai-Meghan-5 years & Diandra-7 years were talking & arguing on a Video call on the phone.

Nikki asked the younger one, "Megu, Are you a Paavam?"(Paavam=Malayalam word meaning Poor/innocent/pitiable etc)

She asked back, "What is Paavam ?"

Nikki gave an interesting explanation, "Paavam means beautiful. Are you a Paavam ?"

Without even pausing for a second pat came  the answer, "Yes! I am Paavam!"

Next Nikki asked Diandra, "Dee, are you also a Paavam?"

She hadn't heard the conversation with the younger one, so she asked once again, "What is Paavam? "

5 year old Meghan took it upon herself to explain to her older sister. In a matter of fact tone she stated, "Paavam means beautiful!"

On hearing this statement without any further delay came the confident answer from Diandra as well, "Yes. I am Paavam!"

Nikki couldn't help smiling. Noticing this the elder one quick to smell a rat asked, "Nikki, why are you smiling ?"

Nikki continued smiling and says, "I am soaking in the moment!"

Diandra was totally puzzled. She asked again, "I didn't understand. What do you mean soaking in the moment?"

Before Nikki can reply pat comes the explanation from her 5 year old sister in a patronising tone which adults use to explain to a toddler, "Like we soak Almonds & Raisins, na ? She is also soaking !"

Sunday, September 20, 2020

Motivation on cold wintery mornings

Early morning(Dark morning as my daughter used to say when she was little),  a figure sits on the bed,  completely covered with the blanket. I watch while brushing my teeth. Even the face is hidden under the blanket. Motionless, it sits. No signs of stirring.I finish brushing and realise the person is trying to sleep sitting up, hidden inside the blanket.

"Hallo! Good morning!" I call out cheerily.

"Mornin" a muffled voice of unadulterated sorrow replies. 

"Not getting up ?" I ask.

"I don't want to go to school."

"Why ?"

"Its so cold. I didn't sleep at all yesterday. I am sleepy. My head is aching. I don't want to go to school today"

"C'mon. You could come back from school and sleep"


"I don't want to go to school"

"Now, now. You are a teacher. What will your students think if you don't go. You must go"

"I don't want to go to school" a plaintive wail from deep inside the blanket covered figure

ഒരു ഇൻഷുറൻസ് കഥ

അംബാനി അങ്കിൾ ആന്റിലിയ കൊട്ടാരം  പണിയുന്ന സമയം.  വീട്  പണി ഒക്കെ  ഏകദേശം തീരാറായ  സമയം  വീട്ടിൽ ഫയർ  പ്രൊട്ടക്ഷൻ സിസ്റ്റം  ഫിറ്റ്‌ ചെയ്യുന്നു. അന്നെനിക്ക്  ഒരൂ ഇൻഷുറൻസ് കമ്പനിയിൽ ആണ് ജോലി. എന്റെ ഒരു  ക്ലയന്റ്  ആണ്  ഫയർ പ്രൊട്ടക്ഷൻ സിസ്റ്റം  സെറ്റപ്പ്  ആകുന്നത്. ഞങ്ങൾ  ഇൻഷുര്  ചെയ്ത പണി  തീരാറായി.
 
ഒരു  ദിവസം  അതിന്റ സെൻസർ  തീ  ഒന്നും  ഇല്ലാതെ  തന്നെ  ട്രിഗ്ഗർ ആയി,  സ്പ്രിംക്ലേഴ്‌സ്  എല്ലാം ഓൺ ആയി. വീട്  മുഴുവൻ  മഴ പെയ്യ്ത  മാതിരി  വെള്ളം.  ഇൻഷുറൻസ് ക്ലെയിം  നോട്ടിഫിക്കേഷൻ വന്നു. ക്ലെയമിന്റെ മൂല്യം നാല് കോടി !

തീ  പിടിക്കാതെ എങ്ങിനെ  ഇത്രയും വലിയ തുക എന്ന ചോദ്യം വന്നു.  അംബാനി  അങ്കിൾന്റെ  വീട്ടിൽ മുഴുവൻ  വില കൂടിയ  പെയിന്റിംഗ്‌സും കാർപെറ്റും  നശിച്ചു  പോയി. 

എന്റെ  ക്ലയന്റ്  പോയി  അംബാനി അങ്കിൾന്റെ  കാലിൽ വീണ്  കാണണം.  അങ്ങേര്  പറഞ്ഞു,  "പോട്ടെ സേട്ടാ,  ഞാൻ  ക്ഷമിച്ചിരിക്കുന്നു. ഡോണ്ട്  റിപീറ്റ്  ഇറ്റ്". ഇൻഷുറൻസ് ക്ലെയിം പിൻവലിക്കപ്പെട്ടു.

ഒരു  ഒന്നര  മാസം  കഴിഞ്ഞ് കാണും. വീണ്ടും  സെൻസർസ്  ട്രിഗ്ഗർ  ആയി വീടിന്റെ  ഉള്ളിൽ മഴ  പെയ്യ്തു.

ഇപ്രാവശ്യം ക്ലെയിം മൂല്യം ആറു കോടി. അംബാനി  അങ്കിൾ  ഞങ്ങടെ  ക്ലയന്റിനെ  പഞ്ഞിക്കിട്ടു കാണും. ഇൻഷുറൻസ്  കമ്പനി നാലര കോടിക്ക്  ഒത്തുതീർപ്പാക്കി   എന്നാണ്  ഓർമ്മ  

ഇപ്രാവശ്യം  ഇൻഷുറൻസ് കമ്പനി  ക്ലയന്റിനോട് ചോദിച്ചിട്ട്ട്ടുണ്ടാവും, നിങ്ങൾക്ക്  അറിയാത്ത  പണി എന്തിനാ സേട്ടാ  ചെയ്യുന്നത് ? "



Friday, September 18, 2020

Family Pack body

ഞാൻ ആള് പുലിയാണ് എന്ന വിചാരം,  കുടവയർ കൂടിയിട്ടും അഹങ്കാരത്തിന് ഒട്ടും കുറവില്ലാത്ത സ്ഥിതി.

 ഭാര്യ ഞാൻ അറിയാതെ,  ഞാൻ    മസ്സിൽ-പിടിക്കാതെ,  ശ്വാസം വിട്ട് നിൽക്കുന്ന നേരത്ത് മൊബൈലിൽ ഒരൂ ഫോട്ടോ എടുത്ത് എനിക്ക് തന്നെ അയച്ചു തന്നു.

ഫോട്ടോ കണ്ട് എന്റെ ഷേപ്പിന്റെ സത്യാവസ്‌ഥ കണ്ട് ഞാൻ ഞെട്ടി. ചന്തുവിനെ തോൽപിച്ചു കളഞ്ഞു മക്കളേ !തോൽപിച്ചു കളഞ്ഞു !

സ്വന്തം ശരീരം  ആണെന്ന് പറഞ്ഞിട്ട് ഒരൂ കാര്യവുമില്ല. 

 എന്തൊരു വൃത്തികേട് !

 ഒരു മാതിരി പട്ടിണി കിടക്കുന്ന  സൊമാലിയകാരും മണ്ഡരി രോഗം പിടിപെട്ട തെങ്ങിന്റെയും സമ്മിശ്ര രൂപം. ഓലകൾ ഒരൂ വൃത്തകൃതിയിൽ പോയ തെങ്ങിന്റെ മാതിരി കഷണ്ടി തല,  സോമാലിയയിലെ പട്ടിണി കുഞ്ഞുങ്ങളുടെ പോലെയുള്ള ഒരു കുടുവയറും. ഹൗ,  എന്തൊരു വൃത്തികേട്. എനിക്ക് എന്നെ പറ്റി തന്നെ ഒരു പുച്ഛം തോന്നി.

തീരുമാനം ഒട്ടും വൈകിച്ചില്ല.  ഇന്ന് പ്ലെയ്സ്റ്റോറിൽ നിന്നും രണ്ട് exercise ആപ്പ് ഇൻസ്റ്റാൾ ചെയ്തു ഇന്ന് തന്നെ തുടങ്ങി യുദ്ധം !

അപ്പോഴാണ് കാര്യങ്ങളുടെ ഒരു കിടപ്പ് എനിക്ക് ശരിക്കും മനസ്സിലായത്. 

എന്റെ മനസ്സിൽ ഞാൻ പുല്ല്-പുല്ല് പോലെ ചെയ്യും എന്ന് വിചാരിച്ച എക്സ്ർസൈസ് ഒന്നും അങ്ങട്ട് ആവണില്ല. 

ഒരൂ 15 pushup കഴിഞ്ഞ് ഒരു 15 squat ചെയ്തത്തോടെ ഞാൻ കിതക്കുന്നു. 

15 crunch ചെയ്യാൻ ആപ്പ് കൗണ്ടഡോൺ തുടങ്ങി പക്ഷെ പടിപത് പണി ഞാൻ നോക്കിയിട്ടും എന്റെ തലയും കാലും അങ്ങ് വയറിന്റെ നിയന്ത്രണാരേഖക് അപ്പുറം കടക്കുന്നില്ല !
രണ്ടും മുട്ടിക്കാൻ ഞാൻ നോക്കിയത് വെറും ഒരൂ പ്രഹസനം ആയി മാറി ഞാൻ തോൽവി സമ്മതിച്ചു !

ഇത്രയും വൃത്തിക്ക് ഒരാളുടെ ഈഗോ  തകർക്കാൻ എക്സ്ർസൈസ്ഇന് കഴിയും എന്ന് മനസ്സിലായി. 

ഇന്നത്തേക്കു തോൽവി സമ്മതിച്ചു നിറുത്തി. 

നാളെ പൂർവാധികം ശക്തിയോടെ തിരിച്ചടിക്കണം. ആപ്പിൽ പറയുന്ന സകല പരിപാടിയും ഞാൻ ചെയ്യണം എന്ന് ധൃഡാനിശ്ചയത്തോടെ ആദ്യ രംഗത്തിന് തിരശീല വീഴ്ത്തി

Friday, September 11, 2020

തലമുടിക്ക് വളം

അമ്മ പറഞ്ഞു,  "മോനെ നിന്റെ മുടി  ഉച്ചിയിൽ നിന്നും പോയി കഷണ്ടി ആയി.  എന്ത് കട്ടിയുള്ള ചുരുണ്ട  മുടി ആയിരുന്നു". 

"അതെ അമ്മേ,  എല്ലാ മുടിയും പോയി" എന്റെ ഭാര്യയും കൂടെ കൂടി. 

രണ്ട് പേരും കൂടി എന്റെ തലയെ പറ്റി  ഒരൂ തീരുമാനം എടുത്തു.  ഒലിവ്  ഓയിൽ, കാസ്റ്റർ  ഓയിൽ,  വെളിച്ചെണ്ണ  എന്നിവ ഓരോന്നും ഒരു  പ്രത്യേക അളവിൽ ഉണ്ടാകുന്ന മാന്ത്രിക എണ്ണ ഞാൻ സ്ഥിരമായി  തലയിൽ തേക്കണം. അപ്പോൾ  മുടി പുല്ല് പോലെ  തഴച്ചു വളരും. 

ഇവരോട്  ആരാണ്  ഒന്ന്  പറഞ്ഞു  മനസ്സിലാകുക ? എണ്ണയിട്ട് വളർത്തേണ്ട സമയം എല്ലാം  കഴിഞ്ഞ് പോയി. ഇനി  വല്ല ഫെവിക്കോൾ പശ വെള്ളത്തിൽ കലക്കി മുടി ഒട്ടിച്ചുവെക്കേണ്ട സമയം  ആയി എന്ന് 🙃

സഹോദര സ്നേഹം

കഴിഞ്ഞ ഒരാഴ്ചയായി അയാൻ പനി,  ദേഹംവേദന, ഛർദിൽ മുതലായ കലാപരിപാടികളിൽ  മുഴുകി ഇരിക്കുന്നു. 

അവന്റെ തന്തയും തള്ളയും ഇത് ഡെങ്കി പനിയോ, മലേറിയോ അതോ മറ്റ് ഭീകര പനികളെ ആണോ എന്ന് ഓർത്ത്  പേടിച്ചിരിക്കുന്നു. 

ഹോസ്പിറ്റലിൽ പോയി ഡോക്ടറെ കണ്ടു ബ്ലഡ്‌ ടെസ്റ്റ്‌ ചെയ്യാൻ പോകുമ്പോൾ,  അവന്റെ ചേച്ചി വന്ന്‌ അടുത്ത്,  സ്നേഹപൂർവ്വം അവനോട് ചോദിച്ചു, "എങ്ങനെ ഉണ്ടെടാ? പനി കൂടൂതൽ ആണെന്ന് തോന്നുന്നോ?"

ചേച്ചിയുടെ സ്‌നേഹം കണ്ടു അവരുടെ തന്തയുടെയും തള്ളയുടെയും കണ്ണുകൾ നിറഞ്ഞു.

ഉടനെ വന്നു അവന്റെ ചേച്ചിയുടെ അടുത്ത സ്നേഹഷ്മളമായ ചോദ്യം, "എടാ,  നീ പനി വന്ന്‌ ചത്തു പോയാൽ, നിന്റെ Groot chain ഞാൻ എടുക്കും"

അത്രയും നേരം ഇപ്പം ചാവും,  ഇപ്പം ചാവും എന്ന് മാതിരി കിടന്നിരുന്ന അവൻ സഡ കുടഞ്ഞു എണിറ്റു.  "അങ്ങനെ ഒന്നും ഞാൻ ചാകില്ലെടി ! ഇനി ഞാൻ ചത്താലും തരില്ലെടി "

ഞങ്ങളുടെ കണ്ണുകൾ വീണ്ടും നിറഞ്ഞു

Thursday, September 10, 2020

ആത്മാർത്ഥത

വീട്ടിൽ ടീച്ചർ ഭാര്യ കളർ പേപ്പറുമായി ഉടുപ്പ് ഇസ്തിരി ഇടുന്ന  മേശപ്പുറത്തു ഗുസ്തി.

കണ്ടു അടുത്ത് ചെന്ന് നോക്കിയപ്പോൾ മീൻ ചട്ടി കമഴ്ത്തി വെച്ചിരിക്കുന്നു.

ഇതെന്താണ് എന്ന് ചോദിച്ചു. 

CIRCLE വരക്കാൻ ആണ് എന്ന് ഉത്തരം.
ടീച്ചർമാരുടെ ആത്മാർത്ഥത ഓർത്ത് രോമാഞ്ചം കൊണ്ട്.  ഇത് വല്ലോം ആ തല്ലിപ്പൊളി parents അറിയുന്നുണ്ടോ?

Monday, August 3, 2020

Ayaan's 10 standard results

14th July 2020[Tuesday)

Ayaan has been on pins and needles waiting for his 10th Std CBSE results.
His 12th standard elder sister noticing his tense face asks him, "Your classmates have all put God pictures on their insta profile. Aren't you putting up one too ?"

Ayaan(with a stoic face) 
"No. I am not doing that"

"You dumb Shit! Only you will fail in your class. Everybody else will pass"

Ayaan has a shocked & worried look.

<Fadeout scene>

15th July 2020(Wednesday)

The result comes out in the afternoon. He has passed with a decent 72% !

16th July 2020(Thursday) evening 7:10 pm

Their parents(me & my wife) are sitting in the front hall. His sister is talking to us. Suddenly she remembers something, and with a grin asks out loud, "Do you know why Ayaan passed  ?"

Her mother and I exchange puzzled glances and ask, "Why ?"

"Its because he put the God's picture on his insta profile like his classmates !".She grins ear to ear at having gotten her brother.

From inside Ayaan's room a voice floats out, "For you its a joke !"

I call out to him, "So you put up the God's picture like your classmates, eh  ?"

"I can't take any chances !" is the subdued response

<Scene fadeout amid his sister's and parent's laughter>

Sunday, April 19, 2020

Ninja warriors അഥവാ നിഞ്ച കുഞ്ഞുങ്ങൾ

അപാർട്മെന്റ്  ഗ്രൂപ്പിൽ  ഇന്നലെ രാവിലെ  ഒരു  10 മണി ആയപ്പോൾ കുറെ  മെസ്സേജുകൾ
"Did Daily Ninja come today ? We didn't get Milk today"
"No! They didn't deliver Milk today as well!"
"Ninja is becoming very unreliable, nowadays!"

ഈ "Ninja" നമ്മുടെ ജപ്പാൻകാരുടെ കരളി  സോറി  കളരി അല്ലെ ? ഇവന്മാർകും  കഷ്ടകാലം  ആയോ  ? യുദ്ധവും  അഭ്യാസവുമൊക്കെ  നിറുത്തി Ninja  ടീംസ് ഇപ്പം  എരുമയെയും  പശുവിനെയും  വാങ്ങി പാൽ കച്ചവടം തുടങ്ങിയോ ?

പിന്നെ അറിഞ്ഞു 'Daily Ninja' ഒരു  ഫുഡ്‌  ഡെലിവറി ആപ്പ്  ആണ്.  പാലും മറ്റ്  ഭക്ഷണ  സാധനങ്ങളും മൊബൈലിലിൽ  ഓർഡർ  ചെയ്താൽ സാധനം വീട്ടിൽ  എത്തിക്കുന്ന  ഒരു മൊബൈൽ  ആപ്പ് .

എന്റെ  Ninja പരമ്പര ദൈവങ്ങളെ , നിങ്ങൾ ഇത് വല്ലതും കാണുന്നുണ്ടോ ?

Saturday, November 25, 2017

Of Romeos - Sunil

Of the many friends I have had over the years, a few stand out, like those evergreen heroes you see in the movies, who don't change their roles over the years, but their heroines keep on changing and turn younger everytime.

One of these chaps was Sunil, whom I met when I was doing my graduation. We were a group of 4 including him. The other 3 were me, Lal, and Vinu. None of us had anything in common. Lal was the gentleman of the lot, not very outstanding to look at, with what we called sodabottle glasses for spectacles, and with a terrible inferiority complex, but the most trustworthy among all of us. Vinu was abt 6 feet, the good looking guy among us, but behaved like a Bull in a china shop. Sunil was the self-proclaimed Romeo in our bunch, telling us colourful stories of his exploits. He used to comb his hair forward with just the front tip curled up on all the sides, like a sort of helmet or cap brim.

Sunil would tell us no-girlfriend bachelors about the various women he knew "closely".  While he lived very close to my home separated by the main road, from his stories it appeared that every girl or woman who lived close to him lusted for male company. We all reached the inescapable conclusion, which Lal -the innocent voiced one day"Eda, you are so lucky.  The other side of the road where you live is some sort of Playboy heaven." The road was like the blockade that kept all this lust contained. As soon as people crossed the road from the other side to my side, they became normal. But once they crossed the road from the normal side to the lusty side, the girls would be waiting & looking out for fun on the side, each time they were left alone. 

Sunil seemed to be the only person who recognized this. Needless to say, he was a hero to us lonely souls. He would give us tips on  how to recognize the needy/lusty souls among them, how to "tune" these girls/women to get them to agree to what you want. The first step to recognizing the lusty one is to hold eye contact. If she holds eye contact for more than 2 seconds, then you should smile. Not a half hearted smile, but a full throttle ear to ear smile like you know her very well. She will smile back.It never occurred to us 3 duffers that any person in the world if you smiled at them like they were familiar friend, it is only human nature to smile back instinctively, because they do not have time to think their reaction through, and to reciprocate a smile is instinctive.

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

Of the King Cobra

Watching a program about the King Cobra on National Geographic, with my son..

"The King Cobra can grow up to 18 feet long.(so what? There are other snakes that are long)

The King Cobra doesn't just bite once and let go. It literally chews, biting again and again, injecting small doses of Venom each time (Eww! Not a nice image)

The King Cobra has other snakes on its diet (Just one as a pet would do, Don't need to worry about the rest😜)

The King Cobra can raise one third of its body off the ground (So what?😉.
.....Wait... What was that...1/3rd.... of 18 feet... which is...6 feet😳 Gulp!!!.It would be looking down on me, or... eye to eye....Ayyo!!!)

The villagers talk of a man who once was faced eye to eye in this fashion, and was bit on his Nose 👃. Since there were no doctors or hospitals close by & he would die if something wasn't done immediately, he used his Machete to slice off his Nose.

Ayyo! Change the Channel!!😵

Monday, September 5, 2016

Samosas

Ramzan is a time all of us look forward to. The narrow streets are well lit, stalls appear almost overnight selling different kinds of kebabs,  fried meats,  rose milk with khus khus,  caramel custard,  samosas with different kinds of fillings, even exotic camel meat. We, the kids, my wife & I go stall to crowded stall, savouring a little bit of everything. 

It is an Aladdin's cave for all the senses,  walking through the smoky road, smelling kebabs in the oven,  savouring small leaf plates of meat piled high with sliced onions,  along with Semiya (We refer to it as Idiappam), watching them skewer  or fry the meat,  filling hundreds of samosas, is an experience that everyone of us enjoy. 

Usually, the activities are concentrated a long way from home, and we drive all the way there, park wherever we find space, and walk stall to stall.This time, it was with a lot of anticipation I watched stalls being setup in my route from work to home.  On the first day of the stalls being setup,  on my way back from work,  I stopped for some hpt samosas. Usually,  the Samosas I get have a tough hard shell, hard enough to hurt the unside of your mouth,  but during the festival time,  its crisp and soft at the same time. I always wonder how can they fry it crispy and yet keep it so soft. 

Each shopkeeper has his own unique recipe,  so at each place the kababs, samosas and fried meat has its own unique taste. If I bought samosas from three different stalls,  each one would look, feel and taste different. Since, the whole concept is meant to keep it affordable for the masses, most places don't offer Tissues/Paper napkins. Instead, sheets of Newspaper pages are cut into small squares. These newspapers form the Paper plate, and Napkin rolled into one. 

I packed some kebabs the first day of the festival, and everybody loved it at home. The next day on my way back, I stopped to buy Samosas. i ordered 4 and while the boy was packing it, ordered one to eat. Since the helper boy was already busy packing my order, the owner took it upon himself to give me my Samosa. 

From his perch he reached out his chubby fingers to take the newspaper square from the bunch kept there. The newspaper sheet stuck stubbornly to the bunch. Then in slow motion, the owner raised his thick Thumb to his mouth, licked it liberally,  extended the now wet dripping Thumb to the Newspaper pile,  pushed his Thumb onto the pile, stuck one sheet to his wet Thumb, brought his Thumb & the sheet sticking to it close. He placed one Samosa on this newspaper sheet, and extended a chubby arm with the Samosa to me. 

Miraculously, my stomach was already full and I didn't want to eat anymore.


Friday, September 2, 2016

Ambushed

On my morning walks with Tommy, we meet other dog walkers. Usually a safe buffer zone is maintained by both parties,  to avoid any over enthusiasm. There are people who walk dogs, and dogs which walk people. The difference is in who is leading the walk. 

The first scenario is usually a peaceful passing by,  both dogs acknowledging or ignoring the other party. In the second scenario,there is no safe buffer zone. The dog leader usually becomes very protective about his human, aggressively lunging at other dogs. The dog drags the human wherever he fancies,  and the human usually appears to be hanging on for dear life on the ride.

There is a couple who I keep meeting. They have a German Shepherd & a Labrador. The dogs walk the owners. The husband seems slightly more in control. The wife is short, slightly plump and wears short skirts and tight T shirts in luminous colours.  

When I pass them,  usually we smile at each other,  or mouth a Good morning-without any sound. They are usually busy, fighting to control the dogs who are leaping and dragging them around. Tommy being very smart, pretends he can't see larger or aggressive dogs,  ignoring them completely. 
A few days back, we were driving back home in the evening, and just outside the lane leading to our apartment, I stopped to let my son buy Momos from a roadside vendor. As my wife and I sat in the car, on the opposite side of the road, the lady in her luminous short skirt appeared with her dog. She saw me, smiled, nodded her head and mouthed a silent Hello.I smiled back. And..then...my left ear exploded 

"WHY IS THAT WOMAN SAYING HELLO TO YOU? WHO IS SHE ? I DON'T KNOW HER. HOW DO YOU KNOW HER ? HOW COME YOU NEVER TOLD ME ABOUT HER ?" I was carried away in the flood of questions, gamely trying to stay afloat. Unexpected as it was, I was caught unawares. I started to stammer, "That is....who is....the dog......woman who walks." It didn't sound convincing to me, let alone a suddenly possessive wife. I spent the next 5 minutes on the drive home explaining to a suddenly silent and chill wife.

We reached home and after the rest of my family went upstairs,  I sat in the car wondering what the hell just happened ? I didn't do anything. Felt like I was crossing an empty road,  when a road roller suddenly appeared and ran me down

Tuesday, July 5, 2016

Efficiency

Knowledge of Malayalam language essential to understand this

Ravilley veettil oru kasha pisha. Paathram kazhukal is my duty in the morning. The kids take it by turns everyday to stack the washed vessels in the cupboard. My wife complains Nikki-my daughter doesn't do a good job. After Nikki stacks it,  and if my wife tries to take any vessel, every other vessel comes tumbling down on top of her. She says Ayaan cheyyunnathu kandu padtikedi. He does such an efficient job of stacking. Ithu kettu Ayaante manassil Laddu alla Amittu potti. Avante stacking kooduthal efficient aayi. 

Innu raavilley Puttu undakaan Podiyum, Kudavum ellaam ready aaki, nokumbol Puttu Kuttiyude chillu missing. Chillu manassilaayille ? Puttu kuttiyude ullil idunna round perforated soothram, which lets the steam in, but keeps the Puttu podi from falling into the hot water. Athillaathe Puttu kutti is a white elephant. Useless!

Useless! Evideyaada Puttinte Chillu. Wife bathroom doorinu purathu ninnu violent aavunnu. Ayaan,  aannenkil bathroomil kuli enna peril vellam ozhichu kalikunnu. Avante mammayude tone kettitu aayirikanam, avan oru towel chutti purathu vannu. Evideda Puttinte Chillu. I kept it safe,  he says. Ee mamma enthinaanu ithra silly kaaryangalku violent aavunnathu enna look. Enittu kitchen shelfil poyi,  avan onnu onnaaayi adukki vechirikunna paathrangal ellaam purathu eduthu vechu. Cinemayil kannunna poley oru Combination lock thurakunna melodrama.Ettavum ullil ulla valiya paathram eduthu, athil stack cheyytha moonnu paathram maattiyappol,  tan,  ta tang! De puttinte chillu! Safe aayittirikunnu. Oru Magiciante flourishode athu eduthu koduthittu avan veendum bathroomil kayari.

Avante mamma Pling aayi speechless. Ee samayam njaan Tommyumaayi walkinu irangi. I could hear my daughter Nikki, goal adikaan kittiya chance muthalaaki score cheyyunnu. Mama,  see,  see. You keep telling me to learn from him. See,  this is what that idiot does. And,  you say....... 


Njaanum Tommyum vaathil adachu escape aayi....

Tick-Tock, Tick-Tock

In the story of Peter Pan, the Villain Capt. Hook loses one of his hands when a Crocodile bites it off, along with his wrist watch. While the Captain replaces his hand with a Hook, and consequently comes to be feared as Captain Hook, he remains in mortal fear of meeting his nemesis the Crocodile - who found him tasty. The wrist watch continues to work inside the Crocodile, and the Captain occasionally hears the watch go tick-tock, Tick-Tock as the Crocodile draws near his ship. The Crocodile is called Tick-Tock in the story. 

Dogs generally are very curious creatures, biting, chewing, swallowing whatever they can reach. I suspect that like Captain Hook's Crocodile, Tommy has swallowed an alarm clock. 

Everyday at precisely 6.05 am he wakes me, for his walk. No matter how late I slept, no matter if it is a holiday, no matter if Tommy was also up late playing the night before, at 6.05 am, I had better be up, or a wet nose, whining noises and an impatient paw makes sure I am off the bed. No mercy is offered, even if I plead. 

I keep wondering, how does he get up precisely at this time. I set my alarm early and woke up at 5.45 am, just to understand this phenomenon. He wasn't bothered with me being up early, coming close, or making coffee. One sleepy eye partially opens, checks who this duffer is, up early making noises washing vessels, and then continues with his beauty sleep. This continues till the magic 6.05 am, when he reaches me in the kitchen, ready for his walk. 

There is no other alarm in the house. Then how is Tommy so precise. I am yet to discover the answer. His habits are also very disciplined. At night beyond 11 PM he doesn't stay up. No matter if the TV is on full blast, everyone in the house is sitting in the hall near him, the kids try to play with him, Tommy goes off-duty! 
No amount of excitement or coaxing can get him up then. Off duty is Off duty - Tommy takes his timings very seriously. 

During the day too, he sleeps, when there is no one around to play with or share a snack with him. I am not allowed to eat  chicken or interesting food without sharing with him. He sits on his haunches, near my feet, looking at my chewing mouth expectantly, drooling profusely. Try as I may to ignore the unwelcome attention, the increasing pool of drool threatens to drown me, unless I share my food with him, or, I open both hands, empty palms out to show him my hands are empty, and there is no food. 
He regards this display as my surrender, and without further ado, walks away, dragging his disappointed feet. 

But the question still remains.... How is he up at this time, so precisely. He must have swallowed an alarm clock. That is the only explanation I can guess at. Tick-Tock the Crocodile is alive and well. 

A minor heart attack

Back from work, was watching a Discovery Channel program, while wifey was removing my leg bandage(from my bike accident), seated near my foot. I think the program was called Hunters. Anyway at one point it was showing wild dogs fighting with a Rhino. 

My son Ayaan 11 years old, who was supposedly studying for his final exam with his sister in their room, drifted out casually (Terrible hunger and thirst usually strikes whenever they are supposed to be studying & we happen to be watching TV) , stood just out of sight behind the corner wall, watching the TV show. 
He informs me in a matter of fact voice, "Those are called DILDOS", and calmly continues on his way to the kitchen. 

His mother who was seated on a stool, facing me with her back turned to the TV, concentrating on removing my knee bandage, freezes, eyes widening and looking at my face. 
I have had these crazy statement moments before, at home as well as with my team. So, I don't display any obvious reaction. But inside my head, my brain is frying itself, running at Super computer speed trying to make sense of the scenario. 
Where did he get this word? How did he learn this word? I am not watching anything remotely indecent, then WTF is he talking about? Has he been watching things on the computer or phone? But I did put a parental filter on the WiFi. Isn't it working? 

Then, as usual a little late, my brain makes the connection. I call out to him in the kitchen, "Ayaan, the name is DINGOS! The wild dogs of Australia are called DINGOS. These are African wild dogs."

"OH! OK." he replies as he drifts calmly out of the kitchen, returning to his room, chewing on something, unaware of the Nervous Bomb he just detonated. 
My wife and I exchange glances of relief. 

How Coca Cola, Pepsi etc mean different things to different people

The large 2 Litre & 1.5 Litre bottles of Coca Cola,  Pepsi etc, are very popular among the migrant worker population here. While they buy tetrapacks & bottles of cheap liquor, it was a surprise to me, when I saw the large bottles of sugary soft drinks, they buy


In the labour camps they live in,  there are no bathrooms or lavatories,  or the numbers are less. 

So,  early morning groups of these people including women and children, walk into the empty plots and Eucalyptus plantations, with these large distinctive bottles, filled with water. Once their business is done,  they return with these empty bottles 

Nowadays, when I see these bottles at the bakeries and supermarkets,  I get a mental picture of these people,  with their water filled bottles.

Saturday, October 24, 2015

Part 3 of 3 - Lucia ODC

Part 3 of 3 - Lucia ODC
The pinnacle of most hotels's year end is the New Year party. A lot of thought, money and promotional build up goes into it. Lucia had a food festival as part of the build up.  Sobi & I were each given a tight red T-shirt & stationed at a food counter each .

If you remember how we all looked in the 1st year of Hotel Mgmt, you will understand when I compare myself to the refill of a ballpoint pen.The T-shirt, two sizes too small, was extremely revealing of our skeletal structure - both of us hated wearing it. So, there we were, two famine affected specimens, wearing tight body hugging t-shirts showing off the bones of our upper torso, or put in a more flattering fashion 2 lean & mean ball point refills.

I was in charge of the Payassam counter. When chicken fried rice, chilly chicken liberally bathed in bright red food colour, whole roasted pig, fish, hot Porottas/appams/Thattu doshas at the live counter & ice cream is available, which Trivandrumite would want to drink Payassam at dinner was a doubt. Right enough, my stall was largely ignored by the guests. Sobi also had a similar experience in his stall. So, we kept each other company while watching the proceedings.

The culmination of the New Year eve's party for the guests was to be the countdown at midnight, ending with popping open a champagne bottle by the hotel owner. The champagne bottle was displayed on the makeshift stage. Both of us hotel mgmt students were quite taken up with the champagne. Sobi said he wanted to taste it, while I told him I wished I could have the empty champagne bottle. In typical Sobi style he said, "Bottle? Athreyo ullo? Parrigannikkaam! "-" Bottle? That's all? Will consider! ".
In the short period I had known Sobi, I had understood that his "Parrigannikkaam" meant he would get it, no matter how. When we had our first theme dinner in our thatched training restaurant, I was with the team responsible for the decor, and banking on my previous college experience suggested a doorway made of thatched coconut leaves. As always he was the leader of our batch and cryptically muttered 'Parrigannikkaam'. I had no idea what he meant.

About 10 minutes into creating the decor, I enquired about Sobi & was told he was on top of the coconut tree. I couldn't believe this, and went out to see for myself. Right enough, there he was, on top of the coconut tree, like a professional, cutting coconut leaves for my need. My respect for him & his hidden talents went up manifold. Thereafter in all the theme dinners whenever I wanted something not easily available , I would tell him and the cryptic "Parrigannikkam" would be followed a little while later by the materialisation of my request. But when he said 'Parrigannikkaam"to my desire for the empty champagne bottle though I had my doubts. After all we were trainees at a hotel- the lowest level of a hotel's hierarchy. I underestimated him !

The senior staff explained that once the New Year party for the guests got over, the convention was that the owner would invite all the staff members to have a party at the same venue. The seniors were looking forward to getting drunk with the free liquor.

The party started, a local band was playing with someone who looked like the singer Jassie Gift leading. There were very few families, mostly stags. Of course our 3 regulars were there - the bearded gentlemen & the lady. The guests danced in front of the stage, inside the Discotheque, in the open doorway to the disco, in front of the food stalls. While Sobi & I were expecting graceful ballroom dancers like in the movies, everyone danced like John Travolta(inside their heads) when to the onlookers like us they looked like Mr.Bean.


As the clock ran closer to midnight the dancing crowd surged closer to the stage. The hotel owner climbed up to the stage & picked up the champagne bottle. When I turned to Sobi, he was suddenly missing. I turned back to the stage, the lights went out & the countdown started to midnight.

5-4-3-2-1 Happy New Year!!! The lights came on the stage alone. The owner started to shake the champagne bottle to pop the Cork.. But wait! What was that? The owner was standing on the edge of the stage and trying to force the Cork open and from the darkness below from among the guests, was a hand without a body, latched onto the neck of the bottle. Try what he did to open the bottle, shaking it up-down, twisting and pulling the Cork, the disembodied hand held on. The Cork popped and he started to violently shake the bottle, spraying champagne on every body below and the rest of the lights came on. The disembodied hand was attached to Sobi, who was grimly holding on to the bottle while it was being shaken and champagne was poured into goblets. At the base end of the bottle the man on stage was holding and pouring it, while Sobi had an iron grip on the neck of the bottle. I watched with dismay and a perverse sense of pride as the drama unfolded, certain that Sobi and I were doomed. The music restarted, the crowd screamed, the frenzied dancing resumed, and Sobi disappeared in it. As I scanned the crowd & stage desperately searching for him, like a Genie he suddenly appeared in front of my stall with the bottle. In his usual no nonsense manner he handed the empty bottle over to me. Awestruck I stood gaping stupidly at the bottle and him, turn by turn. He told me that, "I've brought you what was promised. Now keep it safe". I kept it safely in the darkness inside the Payassam stall. My respect for this guy, who went to these extraordinary lengths to keep his word, went up like a rocket.

Around 1 am, the guests started to leave. 15 minutes later the owner announced that the party and dance floor was now open for his staff. He stood on the stage with a bottle, and called all his HODs one by one on to the stage, insisting they drink from his bottle, while the other staff cheered them on. All of them were given a bottle each before sending them off the stage . Anand came from the kitchen to join us and the three of us danced in the crowded disco. The staff party continued till around 3.30 am. By then almost everybody including the security staff were completely sloshed. There were very few sober around. Dead tired, Sobi and I decided to go to the staff locker room to change out of our red t-shirts & sleep. I went first, got into the service lift and pressed the button for the locker room floor.The service lift was extremely small, & could hold maximum 4 people if they stood touching each other. It had a large waste basket with a lid in one corner. As the lift doors were closing, the door was physically forced open and the Executive Housekeeper got in, before the doors closed behind him.

I hadn't had much interaction with him at all since I was in F&B. The chap in his 40's was sweating alcohol, piss drunk. He stood swaying gracefully like a coconut tree in a strong wind, as the lift crawled its way up. He asked me where I was going.I replied that I was going to change my uniform. The next question was a belligerent, "Do you know who I am?" The tone of the question was a warning. I replied, "Yes. I do, sir" Then pointing to the floor in front of him, "Eevide vaada. Ingottu maarri nilkaanannu ninnodu paranjathu" "Come here. I asked you to move/right here". Tired as I was, I was in no mood to go through an interaction with him. I avoided eye contact and stood at the door waiting desperately for it to open. The lift reached my destination, and as the lift doors opened & I was getting out, he grabbed my neck and pulled. I struggled and his grip slipped onto my t-shirt, ripping it from the neck.All the tiredness after working late, the anger at having to wear the stupid red t-shirt, and the anger at being picked on & having my t-shirt torn came out, and I reacted without thinking. I was scrawny while he was well built. There wasn't space for me to retreat. I raised my right leg, planted it on his chest and pushed. There wasn't space to kick or punch, so I simply pushed with my leg. I was scrawny like a ball point refill, and he was stronger than me, but he was drunk and I wasn't. My kick sent him backwards and he sat on the waste basket lid. The lid immediately collapsed and he fell inside the waste basket, sitting sunk inside it with his legs from the knee up folded over it. Drunk and helpless to get out, surprised at my resistance, he watched shocked as I muttered some dark threats and escaped out as the lift doors closed. I still remember him sitting in the waste basket with that shocked look on his face, helpless to get out, with the imprint of my shoe on his chest.
It was only after the lift moved that the full import of what I did hit me. I had just kicked the Executive Housekeeper into the waste bin. Panic set in as I worried about the consequences. I told Sobi the story and as usual he told me, "Parrigannikkaam. Don't worry" Just then Anand came looking for us very amused. He wanted to know what I had done. The Executive Housekeeper had gone to the kitchen and was asking the boys there to bring me to him. These chaps met Anand who persuaded them to say they didn't see me. With that I decided my training was done. Protected by Sobi and Anand on either side we came down to the ground floor and walked out into the still dark New Year day. The hard won champagne bottle was the only reminder of the episode. It stayed with me for many years. Surprisingly Mirza never asked me how the ODC went.
Once in the 3rd year Joshua's uncle gave us a treat at the Lucia where he was staying. I went with the rest of the gang, but didn't bump into anybody who recognised me. Many years later, I met Anand while he was Executive Chef at Hotel Pankaj. He took me to meet someone and there were 2/3 people having a drink in one of the rooms. He introduced me to a balding chap who was the F&B manager of some property. Then with a twinkle in his eye he asked both of us, "Do you remember each other? You both met at Lucia". The balding chap was my old acquaintance the Executive Housekeeper, now working in F&B. We regarded each other with bemused half smiles. I couldn't connect him to the person in the lift and I think neither could he remember.

Sunday, October 18, 2015

The Elephant and the Benz

After my unfortunate and extremely short attempt to work in hospitality after IHM , I worked at many jobs, from teaching to I.T marketing, Home loans to timeshare sales. Among my many Avatars I was Sales Manager for a 4 star property in Cochin.  When I landed there, I was impressed about the clientele frequenting the place. The who is who of Cochin would turn up for weddings and parties.  

The hotel owned a baby elephant also. The baby elephant was bought in Bihar and brought to Kerala. Did you know Elephants also have a sort of Horoscope? It was predicted that this elephant would kill 2 people, and still they bought it because it had all the best features sought for in an elephant. Anyway the cute baby elephant used to be brought to the hotel for special occasions when Guests demanded it or some VIP turned up. After the elephantine welcome and garlanding of the guests, the baby Elephant would be kept in the car park for some time before being taken home. The car park was next to the health club-Gym. 

A lot of people would come to the Health club regularly and seeing the cute baby elephant standing there, pet him and feed him bananas. One day, one of the regular guests came in his Mercedes and parked it near the elephant. The hotel drivers suggested he move the car away, to which he replied that "Enikku evaney pandu muthaley ariyam. Evan kurumbu onnum kannikilla"[Translation : I know him from a long time. He won't do anything naughty]and.. he went off to the health club. If you've noticed elephants when they are tied up and standing in one place for long, they swing their trunk and their rear legs occasionally, perhaps the elephant equivalent of a human stretching. The baby elephant did exactly the same.He folded his rear leg & swung it accidentally hitting the door of the Mercedes. While he was a baby, he was still very much an elephant. When elephant met Benz, the winner was elephant. The door of the Benz folded in half like card board. The security came running and moved the the elephant. But the damage was done. The owner of the car didn't complain.Probably claimed insurance for the damage. I can imagine the insurance company's surprise at reading the cause of accident as Elephant kicked in the door