Saturday, October 24, 2015

Part 3 of 3 - Lucia ODC

Part 3 of 3 - Lucia ODC
The pinnacle of most hotels's year end is the New Year party. A lot of thought, money and promotional build up goes into it. Lucia had a food festival as part of the build up.  Sobi & I were each given a tight red T-shirt & stationed at a food counter each .

If you remember how we all looked in the 1st year of Hotel Mgmt, you will understand when I compare myself to the refill of a ballpoint pen.The T-shirt, two sizes too small, was extremely revealing of our skeletal structure - both of us hated wearing it. So, there we were, two famine affected specimens, wearing tight body hugging t-shirts showing off the bones of our upper torso, or put in a more flattering fashion 2 lean & mean ball point refills.

I was in charge of the Payassam counter. When chicken fried rice, chilly chicken liberally bathed in bright red food colour, whole roasted pig, fish, hot Porottas/appams/Thattu doshas at the live counter & ice cream is available, which Trivandrumite would want to drink Payassam at dinner was a doubt. Right enough, my stall was largely ignored by the guests. Sobi also had a similar experience in his stall. So, we kept each other company while watching the proceedings.

The culmination of the New Year eve's party for the guests was to be the countdown at midnight, ending with popping open a champagne bottle by the hotel owner. The champagne bottle was displayed on the makeshift stage. Both of us hotel mgmt students were quite taken up with the champagne. Sobi said he wanted to taste it, while I told him I wished I could have the empty champagne bottle. In typical Sobi style he said, "Bottle? Athreyo ullo? Parrigannikkaam! "-" Bottle? That's all? Will consider! ".
In the short period I had known Sobi, I had understood that his "Parrigannikkaam" meant he would get it, no matter how. When we had our first theme dinner in our thatched training restaurant, I was with the team responsible for the decor, and banking on my previous college experience suggested a doorway made of thatched coconut leaves. As always he was the leader of our batch and cryptically muttered 'Parrigannikkaam'. I had no idea what he meant.

About 10 minutes into creating the decor, I enquired about Sobi & was told he was on top of the coconut tree. I couldn't believe this, and went out to see for myself. Right enough, there he was, on top of the coconut tree, like a professional, cutting coconut leaves for my need. My respect for him & his hidden talents went up manifold. Thereafter in all the theme dinners whenever I wanted something not easily available , I would tell him and the cryptic "Parrigannikkam" would be followed a little while later by the materialisation of my request. But when he said 'Parrigannikkaam"to my desire for the empty champagne bottle though I had my doubts. After all we were trainees at a hotel- the lowest level of a hotel's hierarchy. I underestimated him !

The senior staff explained that once the New Year party for the guests got over, the convention was that the owner would invite all the staff members to have a party at the same venue. The seniors were looking forward to getting drunk with the free liquor.

The party started, a local band was playing with someone who looked like the singer Jassie Gift leading. There were very few families, mostly stags. Of course our 3 regulars were there - the bearded gentlemen & the lady. The guests danced in front of the stage, inside the Discotheque, in the open doorway to the disco, in front of the food stalls. While Sobi & I were expecting graceful ballroom dancers like in the movies, everyone danced like John Travolta(inside their heads) when to the onlookers like us they looked like Mr.Bean.


As the clock ran closer to midnight the dancing crowd surged closer to the stage. The hotel owner climbed up to the stage & picked up the champagne bottle. When I turned to Sobi, he was suddenly missing. I turned back to the stage, the lights went out & the countdown started to midnight.

5-4-3-2-1 Happy New Year!!! The lights came on the stage alone. The owner started to shake the champagne bottle to pop the Cork.. But wait! What was that? The owner was standing on the edge of the stage and trying to force the Cork open and from the darkness below from among the guests, was a hand without a body, latched onto the neck of the bottle. Try what he did to open the bottle, shaking it up-down, twisting and pulling the Cork, the disembodied hand held on. The Cork popped and he started to violently shake the bottle, spraying champagne on every body below and the rest of the lights came on. The disembodied hand was attached to Sobi, who was grimly holding on to the bottle while it was being shaken and champagne was poured into goblets. At the base end of the bottle the man on stage was holding and pouring it, while Sobi had an iron grip on the neck of the bottle. I watched with dismay and a perverse sense of pride as the drama unfolded, certain that Sobi and I were doomed. The music restarted, the crowd screamed, the frenzied dancing resumed, and Sobi disappeared in it. As I scanned the crowd & stage desperately searching for him, like a Genie he suddenly appeared in front of my stall with the bottle. In his usual no nonsense manner he handed the empty bottle over to me. Awestruck I stood gaping stupidly at the bottle and him, turn by turn. He told me that, "I've brought you what was promised. Now keep it safe". I kept it safely in the darkness inside the Payassam stall. My respect for this guy, who went to these extraordinary lengths to keep his word, went up like a rocket.

Around 1 am, the guests started to leave. 15 minutes later the owner announced that the party and dance floor was now open for his staff. He stood on the stage with a bottle, and called all his HODs one by one on to the stage, insisting they drink from his bottle, while the other staff cheered them on. All of them were given a bottle each before sending them off the stage . Anand came from the kitchen to join us and the three of us danced in the crowded disco. The staff party continued till around 3.30 am. By then almost everybody including the security staff were completely sloshed. There were very few sober around. Dead tired, Sobi and I decided to go to the staff locker room to change out of our red t-shirts & sleep. I went first, got into the service lift and pressed the button for the locker room floor.The service lift was extremely small, & could hold maximum 4 people if they stood touching each other. It had a large waste basket with a lid in one corner. As the lift doors were closing, the door was physically forced open and the Executive Housekeeper got in, before the doors closed behind him.

I hadn't had much interaction with him at all since I was in F&B. The chap in his 40's was sweating alcohol, piss drunk. He stood swaying gracefully like a coconut tree in a strong wind, as the lift crawled its way up. He asked me where I was going.I replied that I was going to change my uniform. The next question was a belligerent, "Do you know who I am?" The tone of the question was a warning. I replied, "Yes. I do, sir" Then pointing to the floor in front of him, "Eevide vaada. Ingottu maarri nilkaanannu ninnodu paranjathu" "Come here. I asked you to move/right here". Tired as I was, I was in no mood to go through an interaction with him. I avoided eye contact and stood at the door waiting desperately for it to open. The lift reached my destination, and as the lift doors opened & I was getting out, he grabbed my neck and pulled. I struggled and his grip slipped onto my t-shirt, ripping it from the neck.All the tiredness after working late, the anger at having to wear the stupid red t-shirt, and the anger at being picked on & having my t-shirt torn came out, and I reacted without thinking. I was scrawny while he was well built. There wasn't space for me to retreat. I raised my right leg, planted it on his chest and pushed. There wasn't space to kick or punch, so I simply pushed with my leg. I was scrawny like a ball point refill, and he was stronger than me, but he was drunk and I wasn't. My kick sent him backwards and he sat on the waste basket lid. The lid immediately collapsed and he fell inside the waste basket, sitting sunk inside it with his legs from the knee up folded over it. Drunk and helpless to get out, surprised at my resistance, he watched shocked as I muttered some dark threats and escaped out as the lift doors closed. I still remember him sitting in the waste basket with that shocked look on his face, helpless to get out, with the imprint of my shoe on his chest.
It was only after the lift moved that the full import of what I did hit me. I had just kicked the Executive Housekeeper into the waste bin. Panic set in as I worried about the consequences. I told Sobi the story and as usual he told me, "Parrigannikkaam. Don't worry" Just then Anand came looking for us very amused. He wanted to know what I had done. The Executive Housekeeper had gone to the kitchen and was asking the boys there to bring me to him. These chaps met Anand who persuaded them to say they didn't see me. With that I decided my training was done. Protected by Sobi and Anand on either side we came down to the ground floor and walked out into the still dark New Year day. The hard won champagne bottle was the only reminder of the episode. It stayed with me for many years. Surprisingly Mirza never asked me how the ODC went.
Once in the 3rd year Joshua's uncle gave us a treat at the Lucia where he was staying. I went with the rest of the gang, but didn't bump into anybody who recognised me. Many years later, I met Anand while he was Executive Chef at Hotel Pankaj. He took me to meet someone and there were 2/3 people having a drink in one of the rooms. He introduced me to a balding chap who was the F&B manager of some property. Then with a twinkle in his eye he asked both of us, "Do you remember each other? You both met at Lucia". The balding chap was my old acquaintance the Executive Housekeeper, now working in F&B. We regarded each other with bemused half smiles. I couldn't connect him to the person in the lift and I think neither could he remember.

Sunday, October 18, 2015

The Elephant and the Benz

After my unfortunate and extremely short attempt to work in hospitality after IHM , I worked at many jobs, from teaching to I.T marketing, Home loans to timeshare sales. Among my many Avatars I was Sales Manager for a 4 star property in Cochin.  When I landed there, I was impressed about the clientele frequenting the place. The who is who of Cochin would turn up for weddings and parties.  

The hotel owned a baby elephant also. The baby elephant was bought in Bihar and brought to Kerala. Did you know Elephants also have a sort of Horoscope? It was predicted that this elephant would kill 2 people, and still they bought it because it had all the best features sought for in an elephant. Anyway the cute baby elephant used to be brought to the hotel for special occasions when Guests demanded it or some VIP turned up. After the elephantine welcome and garlanding of the guests, the baby Elephant would be kept in the car park for some time before being taken home. The car park was next to the health club-Gym. 

A lot of people would come to the Health club regularly and seeing the cute baby elephant standing there, pet him and feed him bananas. One day, one of the regular guests came in his Mercedes and parked it near the elephant. The hotel drivers suggested he move the car away, to which he replied that "Enikku evaney pandu muthaley ariyam. Evan kurumbu onnum kannikilla"[Translation : I know him from a long time. He won't do anything naughty]and.. he went off to the health club. If you've noticed elephants when they are tied up and standing in one place for long, they swing their trunk and their rear legs occasionally, perhaps the elephant equivalent of a human stretching. The baby elephant did exactly the same.He folded his rear leg & swung it accidentally hitting the door of the Mercedes. While he was a baby, he was still very much an elephant. When elephant met Benz, the winner was elephant. The door of the Benz folded in half like card board. The security came running and moved the the elephant. But the damage was done. The owner of the car didn't complain.Probably claimed insurance for the damage. I can imagine the insurance company's surprise at reading the cause of accident as Elephant kicked in the door

Sunday, October 4, 2015

A midnight sms

[Knowledge of malayalam essential to understand this article]


Onam ayaal oru vidha petta ella non-resident malayalleeyum tries to reach their home in Kerala if they can manage leaves & tickets for their family. I have a school friend from Kochi, now working with a bank in Malappuram, called Santhosh . Though both of us learnt Hindi as our second language, his hindi was a bit rusty due to lack of any opportunity to use it. He was transferred to the bank's branch in Madhya Pradesh and had to live alone there for about 3 years. Overnight, a chap who depended on his sister or wife for anything more complex than making lemonade was forced to fend for himself. He learned to cook kanjiyum-payarum, dal-um, chappathiyum, and also polished up his hindi, since all the bank's customers and his colleagues spoke only Hindi. Njan avaney phone cheyyumbol avanenne very proudly hindi vadi kondu thalli, peedipichu. 

While we speak in another language our thoughts are always in our mother tongue,. So when we get stuck for a word we literally translate a word or phrase in our mother tongue to have an unintended effect. Yesterday night around 11. 30 I got an sms from Santhosh. 
"I Da ? R u?" 
Enikku onnum manassilavilla. So I replied - ""Am I what?"
The next message was clearer" abhi kaham he tu? I m on my way 2 kochi in bus, rchd Alwaye". 
Oh! Pahayan kochiyil Onam akhoshikanulla varavannu. 
To humour him I responded in Hindi , "Abhi mei bangalore mein hun". 
Kurachu neram silence and then his message comes "Tum kaise mardh ho, kab above kochi?" 
Njan njetti. Urrakkam poyi. Literally the first part translates to "Nee oru Ann annoda, pulle ??" 2nd part onnum manasillayilla. 
Avan enne theri vilikkan maathram njan avanu oru upakaravum cheyythittilla. Thala pukanju alochichu. No idea why he should be angry with me. 
Then.... slowly ente kochu thalayil bulb kathi. What he meant was 
Tum=Nee, 
Kaise=enthoru/enginathe, 
Mardh=Manushyan, 
ho =annu. 
Kab=eppol, 
above =typo Aoge annu udeshichathu =varum, 
Kochi =kochiyil. 
Nee enthoru Manushyan annu. Kochiyil eppol varum. 
Onathinu naattil varathe bangaloril thanne thangiyathinulla veshamam annu. Nee kochiyil vannal kanaamayirunnu enna oru koottukarante sankadam avan paranjathannu. 

Samadhaan ho gaya, Bhai, Samadhaan ho gaya!

Onam Celebrations

[Knowledge of the malayalam language essential to understand this article]

Hello dude. How's your onam celebrations?
Ah... Dude, hello, hello, hello. Very nice. Very nice. Today Mr. Maveli ividey coming. Pookalam putting. Beeoootiful! Beautiful Pookalam. You know Pookalam, POOOO... KALAM. FLAWERRRS! putting. Very BEEEOOOTIFUL! pinne Onam Sadya - you know eating vegetables, curries, leaf.. Payasam drinking. Palada, Sharkara, Pazham , Pappadam, all putting leaf and then KRISHUM, KRISHUM Pappadam podikkalling, breaking, njekki otta AAAUUM. Very tasty. Very tasty. 
Children oonjal sitting HO-HOO, HO-HOO. big peoples sitting and drinking KALLLS. No drinking and driving. Very danger, very danger. No drinking. Alla no driving. Eh?.... Aah! no drink driving. Only KALLLS. nalla KALLLS. Then Vadam-Vali. My mundu gone.. He! He! He! Vadam Vali you know, I pull, they pull, ente Mundu avanmar kondu poyi. Kacharas! But I no give up. I stand and pullll. Nammaloda kalli. Vadam poyal nammukk u pullannu. Sorry. Mundu poyal. Njanaara mon. Vittu koduthilla. I pulled and pulled. Appol avanmar ennodu `Without! Without' ennu paranju chirichu. Njan vittu koduthilla. Poda pattiyennu paranju otta vali. Dha kedakunnu thimri-thath-thom. 
Njangal jayichu. Pinne mundu thalayil ketti kaanichu koduthu. Appol..........appol...njan enthannu paranju vannathu?? Aaavo! Phone vechittu poda patti!  Njaan evidey ente kaanathaya mundu thappumbol annu avante oru shemanveshanam. Onnu podappa! Goosh nait! 
Eda Josey, nee ente mundu kando?

Apartment associations and their politics

[knowledge of malayalam language essential to understand this article]

Something funny I find in all the flats I stayed in is, 10 flatulla oru flat complexil association undenkkil usually 3 group kanum - onnu ruling office bearers, randamathethu previous office bearers moonamathu chaos team. 

Office bearers enthu idea konduvannallum previous office bearers idea idichu chammanthi aakum. 
Ini 2 team agreementil ayaal, Chaos team athiney thavidupodi aakkum. 
Office bearers teaminum, previous office bearers teaminum otta motivation maathrame ullu. Mattavanmaar onnum nallathu cheyyan padilla. Enthu karyamanenkkillum avanmarudey ideas Pappadam poley podikkuka. 

Chaos teaminu prathyekichu motivation onnum illa. Vandi odunnadatholam oddatte. No changes are acceptable. Flat sewage wateril mungiyallum, building thalayil veenallum association 10 rupa extra chodikaruth. Ee thamashakal kanaan nalla rasamanu

Krishi Darshan

[Knowledge of Malayalam language essential to understand this article]

Aakashavaani Thrissur, Thiruvananthapuram, Alappuzha. Krishi varthakal - vayikkunnathu K. K. Kashmala Kumaran. Kerala sarkaar ini muthal Krishi avashyangalku pesticides atthava keedanashinikal swanthamayi undakunna karshakarkku subsidy kodukunnnathanu. Ella malayallikalum swanthamayi manufacturing atthava ulpadanam ettedethathu kondu, sarkaar ee meghalayilninnu pinwangum. Awashyam ullawaril ulpadippikkan ariyaathavar undenkkil ithnulla recipe atthava koott itha - oru Kuppi keedanashiniyum oru Kuppi spiritum edukuka. Spirit oru 30' O allenkil 60' O oru Kuppi glassilekku ozhikkuka. Athinushesham keedanashini athinu mukallil ozhikkuka. Ee mishritham kooduthal veeryam koodi ennu thonniyal chila karshakar cheyyunna poley swalpam pacha vellamo allenkil Ice Kattayo cherkuka. Ini ee koottu falapradamayi upyogicha oru karshaka rathnathiney njangal parichayapeduthunnu - Vellathil Dineshan.Koottukaar Vedi ennu villukunna thangaludey anubhavam onnu prekshakarodu parayamo ? "Hallon ! ellavarkum ee dineshante vinayam niranja kookupai, shorry, Kooppukai.Ee krishi, krishi ennu paranjaal enthannenna ningal vicharichathu. Oru chedi edukaka.athu mannittu moodi,vellam koriyozhichal maathram enthudavum ?? Para , Para .. enthundavum ? Ariyilla ennaal njan parayam. Unda !! Onnum undavilla. Why? Aa chedi onnu chirraku virichu parrakaan thudangiyal ethum... aruva ??? Keedam thendis !! Appathanne avanmar ethum. Elakall ellam touchings aakki, chediyude juice muzhuvan kudichu pokum... aruva ??? Kedam thendis !! Appo nammal enthu cheyyum ?? para, para? Ariyilla ? enna njaan parayam. Nammal keedanashini undakki otta prayogam.athodey keedam thendis ellam DTIM ! Ini ee prayogam enginey ennu njaan paranju tharaam..Adyam oru pinjanam eduthittu athil kurachu naranga achaar idukka. Pinjanam enthanennariyella ? Pinjanam ennu paranajaal small curry plate. lAthinte sidil oru randu puzhungiya Tharavumotta vekkuka. Ithenthinanneno ? Kettollu. Pashtil glassil spirit ozhikkuka. Spirit OCR brand mathi. Kittiyellenkil OMR ayaallum mathhi.  Ennittu kurachu Plaachimada ozhikkuka. Plaachimada manassilayilla ? Nammal palakkad Plaachimadayil kettu ketticha jeerakavellam pollathey saadanam, aaah Kokumpola! Athanney.odukkathe madhura ayirikkum appol. Athukondu kurachu pachavellavum Ice'um cherkuka. Pinne please note oru kaaryam, nammude cheriya veeral- ennu paranajaal- leettil fingerr-glassilottu ittu pathuke pathuke vattathil illakkuka.  Veeral icekatta poley thannuthaal sangathi jor aayi monei. Inni oru kayyil glass edukuka oru thaaramutta mattekayyil edukkuka. Ottayadikku glass nammude vayyillekku kamizhthukka, thaaramutta randu kadiyil vizhungukka, pinne veeral kondu achaar thondi otta nakku. Sluurrrp!! Enginey? "Appol nammal keedanashiniyude kaaryam alle paranjathu?" Oho, ente Kashmala Kumara, ningal dhiruthi pidikkalle. Ellaam njaan parayaam. Nammal inginey vishamichu ee spiritum plaachimadayum adichathu nammude swantham santhoshithannanennu vicharicho? Alle alla!! Ithu nammal shaasthrathinte vallarchekku vendi cheyyunna oru cheriya thyaagam maathram. Ini annu keedanashini prayogam. Nerey Krishi sthallathu chellukka, ennittu odi nadannu moothram ozhikkuka. Anganey spiritum keedanashiniyum nammude swantham mineralsum chedikalle shtroong aakkum. Pashuvinu kadiyum maarum kakkekku vishappum theerum. Eppadi? "Priyapetta shrothakalley, ningal marakaruth sarkaar ee proyogathinu subsidy nirakkil OMR 'um OCR' um maveli store vazhi vitharanam cheyyunnathannu Plaachimadayum, pachavellavum, Ice'um swanthamayi sanghaddikkanam. Adutha Krishi vaartha nalle 7 manikku.

Morning Exercisers

In the mornings when I walk my dog, I see the morning exercisers. This being bangalore more care & effort is taken to choose the appropriate colour coordinated outfit than the exercise itself. Even before the sun rises in the sky, it does on the road. 

Bright Luminous body hugging cycling shorts, contrasting body hugging T-shirt, a brand new pair of running shoes with matching branded socks, a belt around your ample middle holding usually 2 black fibre glass bottles, a luminous coloured sweat band around the forehead. If cycling, the sweat band will be substituted with a cycling helmet, a mask around the mouth, gloves et all. If cycling is the preferred exercise, then the cycle would be an expensive imported branded 20 geared one. 

Running consists usually of baby steps, done without exerting too much. And cycling usually is in the easiest gear. The key being if you sweat the exercise is done. It's not important that you may sweat just walking a few steps on a warm day. 

There should be plenty of stops every 100 metres to drink from the bottles. I expect the bottle holds Redbull or some such energy drink in one. 

It's a pity that these brand ambassadors are as weak as the rest of us when it comes to consistency of doing exercise. Usually a luminous Brand Ambassador lasts only a week or two. But these 2 weeks are interesting to us ordinary folks to see the luminous sun - rise on the road as well

Growing old

Yesterday evening we went for a birthday party, of an 81 year old gentleman. His daughter is my wife's boss. We reached by around 7 30 pm after getting lost on the way.The community hall where it was being held was packed. There were some 300 people in small hall.The old man and his wife were on the stage, with him sitting on a chair and his wife standing behind. He had a small jasmine garland around his neck and looked lean but fighting fit. In fact both of them looked fit and healthy. Frankly I was taken aback to see how fit, cheerful and mentally alert he was. 

Their children and grandchildren had made a big flex banner which was the backdrop to the stage. The banner was a collage of photos from their lives, some black and white snaps as well where he was posing like the old movie idol Sathyan, curly haired look et all. The hordes of people there were standing in line to take pictures with them.

I was thinking about how we would be if we were lucky or unlucky to live as long as this couple has. 
Will we be healthy and happy or would we turn cranky and sick all the time.? Would my choices and behaviour while growing old give me new relationships or kill the ones I already had?  Would I be lucky to grow older with my wife or would only one of us survive, in which case there wouldn't be much to celebrate, would there? Would my kids be doing OK in life or would I be still worried about their future? 

And... would we still have our memory intact to know where we are in life? Hell, I remember my first crush in LKG - a Gujarathi girl called Jugnu who used to come in the same cycle-rickshaw as me for LKG classes. If I couldn't remember any of the interesting things in life, would I really want to live long even if I were healthy? If my wife or kids or grandkids were sick, would I want to live long to see it? And... finally when I died, would I have done anything worth remembering, or would I be like another old man photograph on the wall of a house? Apart from my immediate family and my closest friends, would I leave behind anything enduring besides memories? 

There's a joke I read a long time ago about 3 old men discussing how they would prefer to die, the youngest a 70 year old says I would like to die in a car crash driving a Ferrari or Porche, in a blaze of glory. The second old man an 80 year old says I would like to die in a plane crash - quick. The third old man, the oldest at 90 years says I prefer a better way - I would like to be shot dead by a jealous husband.

I would like to be the last Oldman, living life to the fullest till the end.

The Elephant and the Benz

After my unfortunate and extremely short attempt to work in hospitality after IHM , I worked at many jobs, from teaching, to I.T marketing,Home loans, to timeshare sales. Among my many Avatars I was Sales Manager for a Hotel at Cochin. While my parents generally were not too bothered about where I worked as long as the job had an impressive title, this job was a source of concern. I used to get frequent warnings from my mom not to do anything to rub them wrong. The owners were linked with a frontpaged murder story
After the resolution of the murder case, with the help of some advisors they renovated their Tourist home turning it into a luxury 4 star property with 2 multiple speciality restaurants, health club and a 24 hour coffee shop. Since this was supposed to be a fresh start to their life again, the renovated hotel was called Renaissance meaning renewal or new beginning. While the hotel did OK, it never had full occupancy. So a Sales Manager was needed and I being between jobs was recommended to them. When I landed there, I was impressed about the clientele frequenting the place. The who is who of cochin would turn up for weddings and parties. The family itself had divided responsibility of the family businesses between the eldest and younger sons. The elder one who wasn't well educated was in charge of the bar hotel business, while the youngest who was the most polished of the lot was in charge of the Renaissance and their chain of Toddy shops. The middle son who was not interested in the family business from what I heard, was sent to London to be a Doctor. He came back and joined at a prominent hospital in cochin. The eldest son had a fascination for powerful cars and would use the hotel's foreign exchange earnings to fund the import of his favorite car.
A car for every occasion and a baby elephant also. The baby elephant was bought in Bihar and brought to Kerala. Did you know Elephants also have a sort of Horoscope? It was predicted that this elephant would kill 2 people, and still they bought it because it had all the best features sought for in an elephant. Anyway the cute baby elephant used to be brought to the hotel for special occasions when Guests demanded it or some VIP turned up. After the elephantine welcome and garlanding of the guests, the Elephant baby would be kept in the car park for some time before being taken home. The car park was next to the health club-Gym. A lot of people would come to the Health club regularly and seeing the cute baby elephant standing there, pet him and feed him bananas. One day one of the regular guests came in his Mercedes and parked it near the elephant. The hotel drivers suggested he move the car away, to which he replied that "Enikku evaney pandu muthaley ariyam. Evan kurumbu onnum kannikilla."and.. he went off to the health club. If you've noticed elephants when they are tied up and standing in one place for long, they swing their trunk and their rear legs occasionally, perhaps the elephant equivalent of a human stretching. The baby elephant did exactly the same.He folded his rear leg & swung it accidentally hitting the door of the Mercedes. While he was a baby, he was still very much an elephant. When elephant met Benz, the winner was elephant. The door of the Benz folded in half like card board. The security came running and moved the elephant. But the damage was done. The owner of the car didn't complain.Probably claimed insurance for the damage. I can imagine the insurance company's surprise at reading the cause of accident as Elephant kicked in the door

Nikki's monologues

After school, Monday to Wednesday my daughter goes for Maths tuitions. If I can manage my work to finish early, I pick her and bring her home with me on these days.. She sits behind on my bike and the half an hour drive is a non-stop breathless account of all the exciting things that happened in school. It is more of a monologue where she says, "she's like... We're like... Then we're like.." . and I only need to respond with Oh? Yes? And then? Really? I must say I enjoy her talking. 

Though she has my frizzy curly hair, she takes after my wife in her behavior. She is not shy, will speak her mind if she feels she has been wronged and yet has a very large group of friends, because she rarely stops talking to/playing with her classmates even after they have a fight. Since I grew up in a male dominated house with my mom the only lady, and having no sisters it still is puzzling to me how women think and behave, which is so different from how men think or behave. In that context my son is much more easier to read than my daughter. 

In school she thinks her class is the best & unique because all of them are like one big family. All the kids have been together since 2nd standard which is when all of them transferred in to join this school when it started. Supposedly the other classes(7th divisions) are not like hers. She calls her classmates normal versus 'YO' kids in other divisions. YO kids refer to kids who are fashion and brand conscious, have boy friends/girl friends and generally try to behave like college students than 7th standard school kids. The YO kids already have paired off as boyfriends and girlfriends within their gang. While her pals in class include both boys and girls there are no boy friends or pairing yet. I see my daughter changing into a woman bit by bit each day, and frankly have no clue to advising her on stuff. I leave that to my wife. The only advice I give on rare occasions is to make sure she doesn't make the mistakes I did. 

She was unhappy about her thick curly hair for a long time and wanted to straighten it. We forbid it till she grew up. But the constant ads in the media showing the ideal beautiful people who are tall fair and have straight hair doesn't help. Recently my wife showed her pictures of her classmate who has curly hair and looks beautiful finally seems to have convinced her. The curly haired heroine in a recent malayalam popular movie PREMAM was also an inspiration in this line. One of the boys in her class called it a broom, and she is determined to show him that she can look good with her curly hair. The school gives the kids a dinner party for Diwali every year. This year she's making plans to dress up and show everyone that she can look good too. I know this will come true since I've seen her dressed up. But as her dad I have mixed feelings about this. 

Incidentally she thinks her brother's class including him are ADVANCED - another euphemism for slowly turning YO.

Apartment associations and their deliberations

Njan thamasikunna apartment complex oru square shaped 4 storied building annu. Naduvil oru open air atrium annu. Complexil oru divasom raville bhayankara excitement. Owners association pradhanikal security guardsiney vilichu bhayankara questioning. Avanmar paavum nepalikal. Avarod flatiley English speaking peoplesinte vaka khora khoram interrogation. Bengali, Telugu,Thamizhan,Malayalee, Punjabi ennu venda flatil thamasikunna sakala maana indiakarum avaravrudey accentil chodyakramanam nadathunnu. Oru cheriya problem maathram, paavum Nepali guardumarku hindi allathe oru pinnaakkum manasillavilla.Kurachu nerathe chodyakramanam kazhinjappol guardsinte mukhathe blank look kandappol pathukke hindiyilum pinne hindi poleyulla etho combination bhashayillumayi cheetha vili.Njan kaaryam anweshichappol prashnam manasillayi. The previous night etho koothara ellavarudeyum veedinu purathu vechirunna shoes, slippers, sandals muthalaya sadanangal eduthondu poyi. 2 ennam kittiyillenkil orennam maathram adichondu poyi. Palarum officil pokaan readyayi kuttappanmarayi vannappol annu shoeso sandalso onnum thanne illa ennu manassilayathu. ente veettil njangal footwear veedinte ullil vekkunnathu kondo atho veettil bhikaran ennu thonnikunna oru(paavum)Tommy boxer patti ullathukondo footwear loss anubhavikendi vannilla. Nepali guardsiney cross examination kazhinju owners association bharavaahikal yogam koodi oru kidilan theerumaanam eduthu. Ground floor parking areayil ninnu flatilekku ulla randu entrancillum iron shutters fit cheyyam, athu raathri lock cheyyam.Sangathi Jor. Ella flat ownersum 2,000 vachu contribute cheyythu iron gates 1weekil setup ayi. 2 maasam kuzhappom onnum illathe poyi. Veendum oru divasom raville bhayankara Bahalam . Nepali guardsiney Englishil cross examination kazhinju combination bhashayil cheethavili. Koothara returned, new and improved. Epravashyam oru pair ayitannu adichondu poyathu. Veendum association bharavaahikal meeting koodi kidilan theerumaanam eduthu. Ella floorillum cctv camera fit cheyyam. Veendum Ella flat owners 2,000 veetham contribution cheyythu. 1 week kazhinju sangathi setup aayi. Ippom guardumarku avarudey gatepostil irunnu flatinte cinema kanaam. Ellarum happy. Kuttikal more happy. Ippom avaru olichu kalikkumbol Den ennu vilikunna pahayan nerey guardsinte postil poyi TV screenil olichirikunna ella pillereyum ottayadikku oru budhimuttumillathe kandupidikkam

The benefits of a Powercut

This happened around the time when I had just started to work in the late 90's. I came home one Monday evening to find a distant cousin and his family from somewhere far away who had come visiting. I didn't remember having met them previously.
The cousin was working in a Gulf country and had the typical look of the men working there. Dark complexioned from working hard in the unforgiving desert sun, with a golden wrist watch, a thick golden chain around his neck, Gold ring, and a golden bracelet with his name written in golden letters-all of which stood out against his sun burnt skin, a bald head, a cream coloured silk shirt and trousers that were almost bell bottomed. His wife was dressed in the colourful soft saree material that used to be called American Georgette, again dripping with gold jewellery. Their only son about 5 years old, was dressed in a miniature version of what is called the Safari suit, of course with the golden bracelet and his name on it.
While apart from their dressing sense, the parents were decent enough themselves, their only son was a spoilt brat, spewing abuse at whoever stopped him from whatever mischief he wanted to do. Mischief was a mild word, the more apt one was destructive. He tried to climb on the glass topped coffee table, and when stopped, sat on it, threw stuff at the glass table and the glass shelves to hear the sound of objects hitting glass. His parents looked on indulgently all the while, without stopping him or saying a word. The evening passed off without too much damage with both my brother and I painfully fielding while the little monster's threw hard objects, Whatever he could lay his hands on, he threw. Since he was a guest to our home, we bore it with clenched teeth grins. Afterall it was just one evening, wasn't it?
Though we couldn't follow the discussions , the parting gave us a shocker."So, after you shift on Saturday, join us for dinner. You would be very tired". They were shifting home from wherever they were to cochin, and this may not be the last time we would have to put up with this monster!
The pain of the encounter subsided slightly the next day when our application to our parents to have a fish tank in the house was approved after many months of persuasion. We bought the fish tank on Wednesday, but couldn't find a table or any such convenient place to keep it. So, we placed an order with the neighborhood metal workshop chap who agreed to give us a proper stand for the fish tank by Monday. The fish tank was kept in a room near the rear of the house. Remembering on Saturday morning that the Monster was coming for dinner, as a precaution, we latched the door to the room where the fish tank was kept. Saturday evening the Monster came with his parents, had dinner and then all of us sat in the front hall listening to the wonders in the Arab country where my cousin worked. His tales were very exciting to us untravelled country bumpkins. From the time the family landed when it was starting to turn dark, till this point, my brother and I, were keeping an eagle eye on the little monster. Wherever he walked, one of us was with him the whole time. The parents must have thought we loved the little creep so much that we were not leaving him alone even for a moment.
In the hall the tales from the Gulf were told one by one, to us the thrilled audience. In a pause between 2 tales, my radar came on. The little monster was missing from the hall. My brother and I looked at each other and without a word he was off with me following quietly , without drawing attention to us.
We went room by room, but couldn't find him. In the last room where the fish tank was kept, the latch was open.. When we opened the door, we saw the little monster seated inside the dry fish tank trying to kick out the glass walls and break the asbestos floor of the tank. Though furious enough to smack him, we didn't say or do anything drastic to him , simply grabbed him on either side and carried him to the hall, kicking and screaming, throwing a tantrum. Once left loose in the hall, his tantrum switched off like magic. His mother asked him, what happened and he had the gall to say they won't let me play. My brother sat on the sofa next to our cousin- his father and our own father. My mother was sitting on the opposite side of the hall, on the sofa with his mother. The glass coffee table was in between. He grabbed the glass ash tray from the coffee table and stood eyeing me ready for his next adventure, ready to smash it on the glass coffee table. I stood legs crossed,leaning against the door frame about 4 Feet away from him in the doorway to the inner passage. He looked at me expectantly for a reaction while holding the ash tray over the table. I stood with a forced smile hoping he would be dissuaded if I appeared not concerned. My hope was misplaced. He dropped the glass ash tray onto the glass table, where it hit with a loud crack and bounced off. His mother made a slight clucking disapproving sound, and went back to the conversation. For a moment my fury flashed across my face, before I managed to hide it behind a forced smile. At that moment the power went off, and the house went completely black. The conversations carried on.
For about 10 or 15 seconds there was complete darkness. Then the power came back on. In that gap of complete darkness something happened to the little monster, perhaps a Drone strike, perhaps there were bolts of dark lightning. The power equation changed. When the lights came on, all of us were in the exact same positions as we were before the darkness. Mouth half open, ready to scream, he looked at my brother who was busy talking to his father. One by one he looked at each person, trying to gauge who was the cause behind the lightning strike. As his eyes regarded me, measuring the possibility of me being responsible, I ignored him completely and I could feel his eyes turning away. I was still 4 feet away, legs crossed, casually leaning against the door frame. As he started turning away, I looked at him. Our eyes met, and he knew I was somehow responsible, but the time to raise an alarm was past. I smiled at him. He didn't smile back.
Very quietly, he walked gingerly to his mother's side and stood there leaning on her leg. For the next one hour, he didn't sit or move from that position. Nor did he say a word. When they were leaving, though I said bye, he didn't say a word just a blank look, mouth half open.
After that night, his parents visited us many times, but he never did.

P. S: When my wife sometimes shares her frustration when some of her students turn destructive, and the teachers find it difficult to control them, 'cos they are not allowed to raise their voice or touch them, I suggest what she needs is me and a brief powercut.

The Vrraath of Ayaan

I walked in home in the midst of a game that Ayaan l(my 11 year old son) & Nikki(my 13 year old daughter) were playing. Usually they make up very innovative games which is quite nice. What isn't nice is that the rules of the game, that they both make up as the game progresses, will always be different from each other. The result is always a shouting match, followed by a shoving and punch-slap. At this point we step in and shout-threaten them and both go grumbling, He/she started it. Their version of the fight paint themselves as the patiently suffering Ram /Mother India respectively. The opposite party is always painted as Ravanan/evil Raakshasi respectively. As the evil parents, we ignore both versions. 

On this particular day, the fight erupted at the usual point. I could hear them shouting at each other. Then the blood curdling threats followed. I will show you. You do not know what I'll do to you. You see, you just wait and see. And then......... Something mumbled in a low voice...... and then......Silence. If you are a parent, you will understand when I say, sudden silences set off warning bells. Right then Nikki erupted in laughter. Hysterical, snorting loud, rolling on the floor kind of laughter. I walked in to see her sitting on the floor, tears streaming down her cheeks and laughing her head off. In between her laughing fits she explained -" Dada, do you know what he threatened me? He said, he said... don't make me bring out my vrraath. You will not be able to face my vrraath." 

When you read stories, sometimes you learn words, without knowing their pronunciation. Ayaan had learned a new word, which he used in their fight like the dreaded Brahmastra as the final weapon. The word was 'Wrath'

Mythology stories

Yesterday bringing back my daughter from her Maths tuition in the midst of her non stop excited briefing of the day, suddenly she asked me, "Dada, what does my name mean? 2 of my classmates asked me" while I have explained this before too, I did it once again Nikitha is a name of sanskrit origin meaning Earth-Bhoomi. Haven't you heard Bhoomi Devi - Sita's mother. She asked me, "Did you learn this in school?" In her school ISKON sponsors something, so they're allowed to tell stories from their version of the Puranas to the kids. I told her - No. 1 didn't learn this in my school. How could I explain about Uncle Pai who gave us Pai & Co.,the comic books - Amar Chitra Katha, Jataka tales, Tales from the Panchatantra, Poombatta etc? My growing up years were very colourful with these, Ambili Ammavan-which I missed from the list above, and of course Indrajal comics. We read it, exchanged it, stole it, fought for it

Ayaan's doubt

While watching about Lions on National Geographic on TV, my son Ayaan popped a sudden question :"Dada, how was I born? "
Enikku oru bomb vizhungi athu ente vayattil kidannu 'DOOM' ennu pottiya feeling. My child policy is that I will answer all questions, however uncomfortable, to the best I know the answer. If not able to, I will be honest and tell them, along with a suggestion to how they can get the answer.
But 10 year old is a little early isn't it, to explain about the birds and bees. How will I explain this without going into details? If I don't explain, won't he go to someone else leading to an embarrassing situation or worse a loss of his belief in my God like answering capabilities ?
"Ayaan, you see... , actually........... what.. happened was..... "silence!! My brain is doing a search and discard of possible answers and ways to answer, at bullet speed in the background, while I have a stupid grin with a blank look on my face. My mouth is opening and closing like a fish without any sound coming out. I attempted to restart my engine once again.But decided this time decided to go slow with my explanations, watching his face for his reaction to my explanations, all the while. "Ayaan, you know, you and your sister were born after Dada and Mama got married. After a man and woman get married to each other, they have children." (avante mukhathu oru bored look. Avante thanthapidi avante athrayum budhi pora enna oru look.) Breakdown aayi vazhiyil kidanna ente vandi veendum start akkaan oru attemptum koodi njaan noki.. "Ayaan, when the male and female in the animal kingdom..... " I saw the uninterested blank look on his face and stopped, puzzled. Then in a stroke of sheer genius, njaan defencinu pakaram offence kalikaam ennu vechu. Kalariyil parayum poley, Othirum, Kadakam.... Njaan angottu oru maru chodyam vittu-" why did you ask this question, Ayaan? "Hit the jackpot. Avante mukhathu ippom now we are getting somewhere, enna look.
He repeated the question," Dada, how was I born?"Pointing to the TV playing Nat Geo "Were my eyes closed shut like this Lion cub, when I was born?Did I open my eyes only after many days?"
Mone, ente manassil oru bulb kathiyathum, ashwasathinte laddoo pottiyathum orumichayirunnu. Vayattil fire forcekaru thee keduthi. "No, Ayaan. You are a human. Human babies open their eyes soon after they are born" "OK " ennu paranju doubt clear aaya avan ezhunettu poyi. Enikku ee vaka explanation parayaan kurachu varsham koodi samayam kiittiyathinte ashwasam. Mala poley vannathu Eli poley poyyallo, Haavu!!

Burial Therapy

My friend AKBM used to buy a lot of cosmetics to look good. While spending money on these items freely, he was very miserly in sharing anything with the rest of us, even though we lived together. Even when we pooled our money for any fun, he always felt deprived unless he made maximum use of whatever it was 'Muthalaakkuka'. 

It irritated us to no end that when all of us willingly shared, he would try to maximise his share. Even though we were pissed off, we couldn't do anything about it. One evening on the Samudra beach, all of us were loafing around, when the talk turned to cosmetics. One of us, I think it was Sujay told him wet sea sand is a natural cosmetic turning dull skin glowing. We also supported this line of thought and quoted the established benefits of Naturopathy. He bit the bait and asked us how it works. So, all of us dug a small pit about 2 feet deep and slightly longer than him. We got him to lie in it and covered him from toe to neck in the sand. Wet sand when packed tight is difficult to remove. 

As he lay there for some time, he started getting bored. So, he asked us how long he would have to continue the treatment. We climbed on his mud packed hole and did an enthusiastic Jungle dance. He couldn't get out on his own because wet sand is heavy and he was buried spread eagled, so there wasn't any leverage to move. It was only when the Jungle dance ended with us standing on his hole, laughing our head off, that he realised he had been conned

A walk in the night

1st year of Hotel Mgmt. The Gremlins were staying at Deepak lodge. After learning how Theme dinners and the hard work involved usually involved the unquestioning first years, we were returning back to our room in the werewolf hours of a day. The walk back took us into the hills behind the college, through some narrow paths bordering streams. Coming to college was always a cross country run on these paths. We would encounter packs of dogs, children & curious villagers who would freeze at whatever they were doing to stand and watch these English/Hindi speaking bunch run through the tapioca fields, and steep paths. We would have breathless discussions on the way, running at full throttle, dressing up on the way, Putting on an elusive tie knot, buttoning chef coats etc, providing entertainment to the villagers
As I said one day we were returning back, bone weary, after cleaning up, after a Theme dinner. Surprisingly in these post-op discussions I don't remember us discussing about the guests ever. The discussions usually centred around which idiot did/didn't do something they were supposed to do, and the efforts that had to be made to retrieve the situation. Immediately after the steep climb behind the college was PAATTA's shop, where if
‌(1)we had our monthly allowance left over, and
‌(2)enough time,
we could get Puttu, bananas, Pappadam and egg roast. On that day, the thick roof of coconut palms and other trees ensured no moon light would penetrate to the ground. When we started out from college AKBM was leading in the forefront, with me, Saj and Thomman following. Till PAATTA's shop there was some amount of light, including a bare bulb in front of his shop. Once we crossed this point, the steep path next to the stream started. If you slipped here, you would land very quickly in the wet stream below. From this point on it was pitch dark. You couldn't see your own hand, if you held it in front of your face.
At this point AKBM stopped and told me, "you know the way better than me.  Why don't you lead ? " Overwhelmed by this affirmation of faith in my abilities, chest puffed with pride, I took over the lead. As I started out, AKBM walked behind me with his right hand touching my shoulder. The others followed in the same fashion, one arm distance, hand to the shoulder of the person in front, the blind leading the blind in a human train.
Each step I took would be after putting an exploratory toe first, moving it side to side, putting pressure on the ground, to ensure there indeed was firm ground, then moving forward. AKBM would follow me, followed by Saj and then Thomman. Since we couldn't see each other, the reassurance to walk forward was provided by the person in front of you - Thomman holding onto Saj, Saj holding onto AKBM, AKBM holding onto me, and me in turn holding onto....the thick darkness in front of me.
Walking or rather dragging ourselves along in this fashion, we reached the side of the stream. On our left side, was the dropoff into the cold water, on the right was the embankment with the pineapple thorny bush growing on top. As we moved forward one slow step at a time, we could hear the water flowing below us. Occasionally, when my feet slipped, or I tethered on the edge of the stream, the line would stop. Once I got back in line like a train engine, the line would start moving again. The moment AKBM couldn't feel me at the end of his outstretched hand, he would freeze, till I connected back. Motivated by my grandiose imagination of an adventurous Indiana Jones leading from the front, and the obvious trust of my companions in my cat like night vision and sure-footedness, I blundered on.
At one point, I slipped badly and had a frightful couple of seconds wavering at the edge of the stream, before regaining my balance. As I let out a long sigh of relief, Thomman:s voice came floating from the back, "what happened?" "Nothing ", I replied." I slipped "He responded," Eda, scream loud, if you fall, OK? " I felt reassured by his concern. If I fell they would make sure I was taken care of. How comforting.
Then Thomman continued," Da, if you scream when you fall, we will be safe, right? That is why we asked you to go in front "
My self imagery of Indiana Jones just went out like a pricked balloon. Son of a bitch! I was the sacrificial goat, to protect my friends. Thendikkal! Pannikkal! Chettakkal! Inganathe koottukkaar undenkkil verey shathrukal vendi varilla

It was pointless to shift positions at this point since the dangerous bit was almost over, I trudged on. Just before the cross country path connected back to the tarred road, there was a small stretch through a Tapioca field, the path elevated about one feet above the field, passing next to a Mother Mary shrine and a villager's hut. There was a small patch of concrete around the shrine. In the morning when we passed this way there would be 3-4 dogs lazing on the patch. Occasionally they would rush at us growling, if we pretended to pick a stone, it was enough to discourage them. On this eventful day, moonlight was falling on our path. The moonlight filtering through the Tapioca plant leaves created a complex and pretty geometrical leafy pattern with shadows in the undergrowth. All color was gone, in moonlight everything was in black and white. When we reached the shrine, trudging along single file slowly in our line, we were busy in our dissection of the Theme dinner. There were no dogs to be seen anywhere. Just as we crossed the shrine there was a blood curdling howl in the darkness to our left. We froze where we stood. Could feel the hair on the back of my neck and hand stand up in an instinctive reaction. Then we saw movement. There was a large black dog moving in the shadows to our left. A black dog moving in the black and white shadows of the Tapioca leaves made it appear and disappear magically, the werewolf howling accompanied by short barks. All of us stood frozen for the moment, like prey hypnotised by the hunter, straining our eyes to keep track of the dog. Then from our right side and behind there was a sound of something moving through the undergrowth fast, towards us. For a moment, though we could hear the moment behind us, we couldn't take our eyes off the dog in front. At these moments in life, our brains stops working and instinct takes control. In a moment there were 4 dogs rushing in from 4 corners. It was was difficult to keep track of all 4 dogs at the same time. So, we moved closer together, bunched in a group. The dogs were moving like how pack hunting animals do. Rushing at us from all sides, running close to take a bite out of our legs, growling, barking, howling all the while. We shouted, and looked for a stone to throw, or tree branch to hold. To get either, we would have to get off the higher ground of the pathway and into the undergrowth, not a comforting propect with the dogs moving in and out of the shadows. The comfort of another human being watching your back, when you are bunched together as a group, gives you a few seconds to think.
As I told you, it wasn't my day and one of the dogs jumped at me. Instinctively like all prey animals I moved back and the dog's mouth passed inches in front of my pants. For a moment I had visions of what would have happened, if my instincts didn't save me. The dog would have ripped my precious family jewels off or worse, clamped its mouth on it and hung on with a case of lockjaw. The visual impact of such a scenario will bring out the survival instincts in the most peace loving man. This last attack had isolated me from the group, with the 3 of my friends bunched back to back, kicking out with their legs each time a dog came close. Standing alone for the moment, I was a bit more vulnerable if the dogs realised I was standing alone.
Desperately I unhooked and removed my belt. If you remember, all of us starving gentry in college had sexy 18 inch waists. Our belts literally held up our pants from falling off. The moment the belt came off, I had to grab the he front of my pants to prevent it from falling down. I looped one end of the belt around my right hand and then like our movie heroes swung this like an 'Urumi'. All the while my left hand clung tight fisted around the front of my pants to prevent it from slipping off. One of the dogs got nipped with the belt while rushing at my ankles, another took a full on hit midair with the belt buckle. The second contact resulted in a painful yowl and the dogs retreated growling. We continued our trek to the lodge, left alone finally by the dogs, me still with my belt looped around my right hand, left hand clutching the front of my pants in a tight vice like grip. After the adventure, for a couple of minutes, we discussed it excitedly. Then the tiredness hit us. The rest of the journey was spent in silence. When we reached our room, we kicked off our shoes, ripped off the socks and fell into bed still in our dirty uniforms, too tired to change.

Super Moon

Yesterday was Supermoon. Randu divasimaayi kanda pahayanmaar ellam enikku twitter, Facebook muthalaaya margangelliludey forwarded messagesum picturesum kondu carpet - bombing cheyyukayirunnu. Equinox, lunar Eclipse, umbra, penumbra, avante ammoommeda thengakola!!  Enthayirunnu!! Pandu schoolil science pattichappol classil shradhikaathirunnathum front benchiley Geethayude thalayiley chuvanna ribbon valichu kalichathum bhayankara nashtam aayi poyi ennu enikku kuttabhotham thonni.
Innalley ee bhayankara sangathi kanaan njaan meppottu nokkiyappol kanda kazhcha annu nerathe ittathu. Oru sadaranna full mooninte athrayum polumillatha verum oru sample moon. Ini ee vaka messageso pictureso enikku ayachu tharunnavarku njaan 'mooning' inte kurachu nalla photos ayachu kodukkum.

My first Outdoor Catering [ODC]

Part 1 of 3...
In the first year, perpetually short of money, someone suggested the idea of participating in outdoor catering(ODC) to make some pocket money during the Christmas vacations. By volunteering I got a gig in a prominent hotel in Trivandrum, along with 2 of by classmates-Sobi & Anand K There were a couple of others too, but I am not sure. I remember Sobi & Anand because they rescued me on New Year 's day, the last day of my ill fated sojourn . Will tell that story later.

So, when the rest of the college went home for the holidays, we reported for the 10 days experience starting before Christmas till just after New Year 1993. While Anand went into the Kitchen, Sobi & I was in F&B.The first few days we were put to use in the restaurant .We wore our F&B uniforms and spent the time doing whatever was asked of us. Mainly treated as cheap labour, we didn't really mind, the experience of working in a 'Star' hotel and of course the money at the end of our assignment providing the motivation. I discovered the secret of making Lemon Tea here. My easy method was to make Tea with Milk and then add a squeeze of Lemon juice to it. In the darkness of the restaurant, I couldn't see what I was drinking, but it tasted funny & not as awesome as I thought it would. One day the housekeeping opened the thick drapes of the restaurant windows and I had a glimpse of the dubious concoction I was making.... I stopped making my 'special' lemon tea that day !

In bored leisure time during the afternoons watching the very 'well fed' GRE at her desk through the restaurant door, provided some excitement.The fact that the GRE appeared to be a confidant of the Hotel owner made it feel exciting & dangerous that we were drooling over her. You can imagine the level of boredom in our lives when you realize that we actually didn't mind the oily stuff served as food in the staff canteen, & hung around in food breaks to watch the interesting people working in the hotel, our first experience of a Star rated property.

After work we usually got off work at around 11-11.30. I seem to remember that I used to be the only one taking the 11.30 night bus till Kovalam. If I missed this bus, then the next option was to wait for the Vizhinjam bus coming in at 1.30 am from Ernakulam. One day instead of waiting for the 1.30 bus I decided to walk, taking the then newly created byepass road. It was one of the scariest walks in my life.

Since the road hadn't been completely tarred or inaugurated, there wasn't any bus service or vehicles passing through it. There were no street lights and for about 2 hours I walked in pitch darkness. The road was slightly elevated above the swampy fields around it, and as I walked, an occasional bare light bulb in one of the few houses appeared floating in the distance, always remaining out of reach inspite of walking a lot, then suddenly appearing behind me. When my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I could make out the contours of the road for about 100 metres ahead. There was the goosebumps inducing sound of things moving in the bushes on either side, keeping pace with me, sometimes moving ahead and stopping till I reached their point and then rustling in the bushes along with me, but always in the black bushes located on either side beyond the road surface. All sound felt amplified, & my footsteps sounded loud. I kept on telling myself to stay calm, its probably only street dogs in the bushes. Each time the rustling sounds overtook me and stopped at some point in the bushes ahead, when I passed these bushes, the rustling would start again. In spite of my telling myself that there would be a rational explanation for the phenomenon, the hair on the nape of my neck, arms and legs would stand up in a primeval response to danger. Even though I consciously willed it not to, my hair continued to rise and invisible little tingling cold fingers ran up and down my spine and my arms & legs. Though I couldn't see the road, I could feel it beneath my feet. At one point the tarring hadn't been completed and my loud footsteps went quiet. The tension doubled now. I could hear every little sound in the still night air. There wasn't even a hint of a breeze blowing. The faint outline of coconut trees were still, without even the slightest stirring of their leaves.

As my fright grew, I realized that I had come too much ahead to turn back, and now the only way was forward. I couldn't run for fear that whatever it was in the bushes could move faster than I could. Occasionally when I stopped to listen to the stillness, I ballooned, that is like a balloon tied in one place, I kept moving in a slow motion circular spin, watching and listening all around. Never standing still in one position or place for long, fearing my back was exposed and unprotected. At one point when the tension of listening and watching became too much, I did the only thing I could to relieve the tension - I sang!! 

In the pitch dark still night air, my voice seemed loud and reverberated in my head. Not complete songs, but a medley of the 2 lines of every song I knew. It was a reassurance to myself that anything following me would know I was alert. After walking along in this fashion for a very very long time, I could see the distant glow of Sodium vapour Street lights. The bright yellow lights created a pink glow in the sky. I kept doing the ballooning more frequently now, 'cos I didn't want to be taken down so close to safety. About 100 meters away from the pool of the first street I realized the rustling sounds had stopped. Either whatever it was, had decided that there was no point in following me anymore, or, it was crouching in the last bit of dark bushes to pounce on me. I RAN! It would be more accurate to say my feet flew. I am non athletic and lazy, but that run was faster than any Olympic sprinter could dream of. I could hear only my feet pounding the ground and my own deep laboured breathing. Once I reached the safety of the street lights and main road once again, my dry mouth and all out sprint left me retching. 

I continued on my journey. By then I had decided, never again! The longing for human company in your misery is also a centuries old instinct. Let alone human, there wasn't even a street dog on the road. I was desperate to see another human being. About 10 minutes before I reached the turn to the house I stayed at, I saw a human form ahead, on the opposite side of the steep road connecting Vellaar junction to Kovalam junction, wrapped up in multiple layers of clothes. Glad at finally finding human company I increased my speed to catch up. This figure appeared to be moving faster as I neared. I put this down to my imagination. The relief at seeing another human being gave me a burst of energy and I ran across the road. As I drew close the figure looked more like a lady wrapped up in multiple blankets Just as I reached abreast of the person, gasping from running uphill, she turned to me cowering with both hands shielding her head and cried out in malayalam, "Enney onnum cheyyalley" - Don't hurt me. 
My first feeling was of embarrassment, of appearing like some monster to her, in my eagerness for human company I had forgotten how a total stranger running towards you at 2 am in the night would appear to her. Embarrassment was followed by hurt, that she could actually categorize me with some criminal. After my own frightening experience, the fact that I was the cause for frightening somebody else was very unsettling. Without saying a word, with mixed feelings I crossed the road to the opposite side and hurried on my way. Shortly after, I reached my room in Bethany, Kovalam. The next day my landlord-local guardian Roy Uncle gave me a dressing down, for the walk through what he called dangerous areas.